Apocalypse Bingo: 2020 in Hindsight

It has been a long year, it feels like 30 months rather than ten months have trudged by. If you had asked me twenty questions predicting the year I would not have remotely come close to anything that has happened. 

Words vanish as I try to write, to put feelings and thoughts where I can see them or even begin to address them. From a distance I have read about the passing of loved ones, family members of loved ones, illnesses, surgeries, emotional struggles, isolation, and frustration. I've been lucky that at the darkest times lived ones and friends have shared inspiring stories, connections and successes in the face of stress and uncertainty. The right customers have come in at the right time with the right words, unknowing of how important they are and how motivating they are. 

In the face of things, I work for a small business that has had to adapt to many changes because of Covid. We have worked hard and stayed careful so that we keep our staff, their families and the sodas we bottle safe. I am not a Nurse or Doctor, but I am one of the people who gives you a safe place to go to get away from it all for a brief time, and hopefully gets to make you smile. 

I've worked through the pandemic. Packing curbside pick ups, washing basket handles, regularly washing frequently touched surfaces, enforcing curbside service or properly worn masks in the store. Working with an amazing lady, Gretchen, who gives us her homemade cloth masks to give to everyone. 

So many feelings, thoughts and experiences. Dealing with rude, childish behaviors and tantrums from people who want to throw fits rather than be considerate, less each week but they still happen. Folks wrapped up in denial, who haven't seen the giant list of friends posting, heart broken by Covid deaths in their families. They haven't read posts written by friends who've had severe cases and been hospitalized or isolated with symptoms for months. They want to use the stats to downplay the severity and death toll, saying the flu kills people or it's just old people. People is the key word. The minute it's okay for a large amount of people to die for selfish excuses- there is a problem. What if it was young people? If it's not as bad as the flu why are more people dead in less than a year in the US than live in the city of San Bernardino California? Why is it suddenly cool to doubt science?

It's exhausting. Each day you look at that days goals and expectations. Each day you aim for three out of five. 

I find myself more avidly following and reading scientific articles, reading inspiring posts by friends, watching their year through pictures, playing hours of Mario kart just to let go of the static stress that is just from the different challenges the year haas brought. 

I come up with my apocalypse bingo card before the next month. For November: Political unrest, a blizzard, more fires, marshmallow shortage, a volcano in Washington state, erupting, a bear stealing a car in Colorado at a fast food drive through, three large hurricanes, Flying Clams, invasive jumping beans from Mexico, and penguins reveal they are secretly controlling the reptile people who control the world, and seven small tsunamis. They aren't things you hope for, but if you plan your bingo card for the worst, when the month isn't as bad as your card you sigh relief. 

It's dark humor and it's working. It could be worse. 

I am grateful in this dark year to have a significant other who is supportive, and reminds me to slow down. Rapture curls up on my lap and purrs, following us around the apartment like we are in a parade. Our neighbors have become our friends. Blue Sun has grown, and we now have two locations open in the Twin Cities, our team loves what we do and we have a diversity of skills, experiences, and character that gives us balance. Our garden was fruitful both in the produce we harvested as well as uplifting the mood of everyone who walked past it. 

I've wrestled with what do I say? How do I put down in words the feelings, thoughts? I don't need to. You feel them. You think them. There are highs and lows. It is dark out there. It could be darker. I'm glad it is not. 

A Reason to Smile

                                     A Reason To Smile

        Anoka Historical Society called, they asked us for our Corvid Story, Kyle's coming in in an hour to work with me on it. If I couldn't write this without crying how on Earth will we do a video? Kyle's talented. He will find a way. 

International news was alarming. We talked about it. In February we adjusted the schedule so part time staff with family members who are high risk were taken off the schedule. I thought about my days working in medical settings, about fifteen years ago. MRSA, Norwalk Virus. What did we do to keep our patients safe? Bleaching surfaces. Washing frequently touched surfaces. Hand washing and do not touch your face! All the lessons flooded back. With my handy bleach bucket I scrubbed down shelves, handles, railings, countertops, doors; knowing this would become a new regular routine. 

Mark created a Whistler order page and set up an ongoing case sale for Whistler sodas to encourage people to maintain quarantine and minimize interaction for safety. We started getting phone calls, emails and facebook messages for our “online” orders, packing boxes and writing messages of humor, inspiration and gratitude on the boxes. You are a reason to smile. Thank you. Every Blue Sun staff took a marker and got to write or draw on boxes to send out to the folks at home. 

Not the most artistic box, for that either Kyle or Neal's boxes were the best.

Each time the news got scarier, Mark came to me. “How are we doing? How do you feel about this?”

I looked at him each time. “I want to stay open. We are essential.” We are classified as a Grocery Store, so yes, we are essential. He always asked. Was I scared? Hell yes, but I’ve never let fear rule my life. What we do is important. I got home every night for the first few weeks of quarantine and took long hot showers to destress and wash the fear of exposure away. 

But there’s a more important reason we are essential. We are peace of mind, stress reduction, and sweet, sweet soda. In times of stress, one of the most important things a person can have is a reason to smile. As stupid as I may sound, think of the darkest, worst times in your life- what turned those moments around or made them easier to deal with? 

When my Grandfather died, it was Birch beer. He was with me when I drank it. Still is. Birch beer is a hug and a smile from one of the kindest human beings who walked this planet. I know how crucial it is during turmoil to have comfort.

We stayed open. Cleaning. Encouraging sales through phone and internet. Writing messages on boxes. Between online orders there were hours of fifties music and quiet aisles. What could I do to make things better? I spent years telling stories and painting with children. I got out the paints. Started painting in the store. Redid the mural in the Jungle bathroom. Painted an outer space mural in the arcade. Mark said “Keep going!” I painted blinking back tears, thinking of our families out there. Missing the kids and regulars. Hoping everyone is okay. 

A Blue Sun & Super Hero Girl in Space

Mark came up with the idea for Easter. Easter baskets with soda and candy. Several young patrons gave me feedback on the prototype baskets. Mark listened and got eggs with toys inside and little stuffed animals. We thought we would get orders for about 20 of them. We got orders for over 150. I frantically reached out to our part time staff; they were delighted to get to come to work. It felt so good to have them back in the store, to hear their voices as they made jokes. We literally got to be the Easter Bunny, and it was an honor! It was fantastic to see the delight of customers picking up their baskets. Ted, Kyle, Ken, William and Dru adjusted their schedules to make the magic happen. 

Prototype Baskets

It’s a different world today than it was a few months ago. We encourage social distancing, wearing masks in public, and we are even more mindful of cleanliness. We’ve remodeled the soda fountain area with a fresh "new" oldies look. We have cool new murals, and we’ve labelled sodas based on sweeteners to make things easier  for customers. Our customers give us a reason to strive, you inspire us. 

Neal makes fill in faces, Brantley was the first I saw come back!

Today, Julia came in and gave me masks for our employees. Curt brought us 3 D printed pieces that make masks more comfortable to wear. There’s someone at least once a day who comes by just to pick up a soda and connect for a couple of minutes with a joke or story. We share, from six feet away. Our days are mutually better because we have those essential moments. What we do is important. How we do it is important. Our Blue Sun Family is amazing, we’re making it through this together and we’re doing it with a smile, sense of humor and soda. 

       Micaela, working on her degree in Graphic Design did a photo shoot with Whistler. We are planning to make a display with an attribution to show of her skill! Billy is plotting posters and stickers. Kyle is working on the video project. We support the growth of our employees by letting them shine, giving them the chance to share their talents and skills with you. We encourage them to follow their dreams, knowing part of their dream is the same as ours and that's why they choose to be part of Blue Sun. 

Angela R. Hunt, Manager Blue Sun Soda Shop, Author & Storyteller

Perspective: How do you do?

I spent over twelve years traveling the country. Sometimes living in tents, sometimes staying at friend's homes. All different environments, temporary communities coming together to do festivals before tearing down to head to the next show. Two springs, two summers, two falls. I spent a lot of time hiking and exploring the places I went. 

I learned important lessons. Sometimes over and over. Everyone is responsible for their own choices. A friend can be a friend and make bad choices. I watched it time after time, show after show. Does it mean turn your head and ignore the problems caused by their behavior? Does it mean accept them slacking off or doing what they choose instead of what is expected from them? No. At the beginning of the day, at the end of the day: it comes down to doing the job right. A friend who takes advantage of friendship isn't really acting as a friend. I watched businesses lose events because the owners let friends take advantage of them and misrepresent their companies. 

Sometimes you have to sit down and really look at what the costs are to the choices you make. The costs to you and to the folks you call friends.

 Are you making choices to move forward? Are you representing yourself well? How do you represent the business you own or work for? How do you treat friends, employees, coworkers, customers, employers? 

How do you treat yourself? It starts with this question. Do you take care of your health? Do you have goals you are working toward? Are you just passing time, what are you waiting for? Do you leave everything for someone else to handle, do you feel your entitled to like some mythical Princess? Why? Where does that get you? Do you spend time generating excuses or solutions? Does your time go to social media or does it go into you? 

I don't want to hear gossip, I don't want my time or attention wasted on the dramas in other people's lives. I'd rather see cat pictures and memes and focus on my life than gawk at social media arguments. 

What mental landscape do you tend for yourself? How do you maintain yourself? How do you invest yourself and your time?

Periodically, it's good to pause and assess: where are you and how are you? I hope it's good! 

I've got my feet on the ground. I have a place, an amazing significant other who is building a future with me, a fantastic workplace where our team works together to make nostalgia real. 

I hope your introspective is positive, that you've lost the need for excuses and blame. I hope you choose to make healthy choices. 

Letting Go

I learned teaching archery the hardest thing for people to learn was letting go. I could tell them over and over "let go of the string" and they'd look at me with a desperate expression while they opened some of their fingers, usually dropping the arrow and still managed to grip the string. The arrow can't fly if you don't let go. The string even pulls against your fingers, which should hint at the natural action of opening your hand. Somehow it doesn't.
I tried different tactics but still that letting go got in the way of success. 
It was a wise old friend who explained the problem was the words. Letting go is hard to do, we try to get those things back or we aren't sure. Releasing isn't hard, it's what you do when it's something we weren't meant to keep- or it would be ridiculous to keep. We don't let go of the bee in our house, we release it out a window.
I started using that word in my lessons and people stopped holding the string. They were successful, with less anxiety and effort. They had fun without difficulty, not realizing how challenging that pesky string could be.
When you try to let go of things, do you end up gripping them tighter? Letting go of baggage and trauma, just brings those bags back in a landslide of weight. Acknowledging and releasing them lessens emotional impact and allows you to move forward.
You can create new healthy expectations, allow stability and growth by releasing yourself from the stuck spots and feelings. You don't have to remember everything. You don't have to relive it. You can choose your focus, your direction, who you want to be and how you want to be treated.
Walking in circles in your head trying to find the right spot to unravel the pain from the past only keeps you living the wound and sinking back into the mindset and perceptions that were there when you were wounded. A broken hand doesn't heal by having the same trauma over and over, or by having the injury ignored.
May you release what's been holding you back and allow yourself to grow.

How Are You Approaching Life?

Mythology tells the story of a man who rolls a huge boulder up a mountain only to find himself at the base of the mountain again, same boulder waiting to be pushed to the summit. We’ve all heard the story. We’ve all nodded at it, thought how stupid it was, and wondered why the guy perpetually keeps trying. Seriously, how many attempts do you make before you walk away or push the boulder in another direction? 

Obsession? Desperation? The perception that there is only one path ahead of you? The story was meant to be a lesson, not to let yourself lose sight of the other paths open to you. I spent a lot of years pushing boulders uphill, only to find myself still at the base of the mountain looking up. Rebuild again, redefine again, start over and never look down. Each push exhausting, each attempt full of lessons. Determination kept me moving forward. The day came where I sat down next to the boulder. Where had all my efforts gotten me? They gave me the chance to travel, but not the budget to really appreciate the places I went. I grew friendships and through those saw my friends fighting their own battles- some also pushing their own boulders while others stood in the water unable to appreciate the resources around them- unable to even drink what rippled beneath their chin. 

I reached a point where I stopped caring about the top, the rock and realized the story isn’t really about either of those things. It is entirely about you. How many times do you have to start over? How many times do you have to collect all the tools to survive and thrive? How many times do you have to let go of what you’ve gained to step forward? 

No more living in a tent without electric. No more outdoor living in uncertain weather. Suddenly, you have tools. A chisel, to break apart the stone. To turn that rock into smaller stones you can build with. You start making bricks. Now you can make a place to live. A safe place, your own place instead of just being a guest in other people’s lives. 

The hardest step is letting go of the fight, the excuses why you need to keep doing what isn’t making you happy or helping you grow. Letting go of the scars and wounds from your past, the ones you don’t even realize shape your life costing you more than you know. Sabotaging success and leaving you questioning your worth and echoing the worst parts of your past. 

I started a new life in Oklahoma, following my grandfather’s wisdom. I worked hard. Constantly worked to do my best running five businesses. Ordering, inventory, displays, hiring, overseeing shops and employees. Never making enough money to move forward on my goals, but at least making enough to keep pushing the rock up the hill. This spring I was setting up a shop and had two hardwood boards come down on the top of my head. 

The pain was immense. I had to keep pressure on my head just to make the pain bearable. I couldn’t see how bad it was. I was terrified. No one who saw it would let me see their facial expressions after they saw it. Several people let me know later that they had seen my skull, that when I moved my hands for them to look at the wound, blood spurted about five feet forward. Friends kept me calm while the doctor put staples in. Memories were foggy, it was hard to remember moment to moment at first. For several weeks the headache was non-stop. Then with weather changes. I was still anxious. No referral to a neurologist. No after care. It’s reality without health insurance. I didn't tell many people how bad the accident and injury really were. 

Post concussive disorder, headaches, blood pressure spikes were a thing. I ended up in the ER, the doctor there echoed my friends. Find a more supportive job with less stress, and if possible seek one out with benefits. Put yourself first instead of the rock. Most of my possessions are still sitting in a van in Oklahoma, because it was more important to move in a new direction; than to have things. Surviving a flood taught me you can always rebuild and get new things. The move has been positive. 

Stress is lower. I’m not pushing a rock uphill every day. I’m feeling better and able to look at my future and chop the proverbial rock apart to shape it into anything I choose to. It feels good, not to be driven. For a while, as I traveled without a safety net, not knowing when my next gig would be, my mantra was “flying not falling.” I was a leaf spinning in the wind, hoping the updrafts would keep me from hitting ground. I had to learn that I couldn’t break that cycle until I landed. When you see someone living that cycle, there is nothing you can say that will change things for them. They’ve got internal struggles and perceptual issues they have to face to see their own hand in the flawed and dangerous path their life is on. 

You have to care for yourself enough to chose to create a healthy environment for yourself. You have to want to build a future rather than just survive or escape the worst parts of your past. These sound like simple things, but in reality, they are part of everyone’s every day struggles. Some never face them, excusing every interaction in their lives as chance, luck or someone else’s fault. Some dive into the unhealthiest situations and relationships just to destroy themselves faster, or passively live in a purgatory of their own making. We each have choices, so are you rolling a boulder up a hill or are you living?

What Makes Life Meanginful?

The opportunity to give a memory, an experience to someone else. Without reward or accolades, a shared moment. 

The chance to take an aging Father bowling so he can see, years later, that you still love the game. The opportunity to watch a young friend laugh as she learns how to play pinball. The crack in a friend's voice when they hear how important a gift they dismissed became in your life. 

  Years ago, my friend Bones gave me a black sheepskin hat. It fit perfectly. I carried it everywhere I traveled. When it was cold, there was the hat. Warm and cozy. It became a symbol of not being alone, of being safe even in the coldest winter night. When life was stressful, I turned the hat inside out and rested my head on it. He tuned out of social media, so I couldn't tell him what impact he had on my life. How meaningful his gift was. 

We aren't the people who determine what is meaningful in another person's life: we merely have the opportunity to open that door for them and sometimes we get to share the memory and gratitude with them. 

The sound in my friend's voice, when he realized he'd done something meaningful in my life, that someone had been worried about him for years and he hadn't known- it changes perspective. The world isn't such a dark or lonely place; it's the little things that have meaning and get us out of our own mental traps. 

May your life be full of meaningful moments, and may you always remember your words and actions can be gifts. 

Critical Self Maintenance

So many people are concerned with what they are entitled to, how other people should treat them, with what they should have.
Yet they don't take care of themselves. They get caught up in their own struggles, never reaching out. They get caught up in their baggage instead of putting to down. Their homes are in disarray, but they get their jobs done. They don't eat right. They don't take care of symptoms when they are manageable, instead they let things snowball until what could have been a bump in the road becomes a one way ticket off the mortal coil. They hold onto their hurts instead of healing.
Some use shopping, collecting material goods they don't need as a pacifier; others food, others drink or take their pills to keep the feelings and thoughts at Bay.
It's a downward spiral that paralyzes many.
No one can stop that spiral except you. No one can make that choice to reach out to friends and supports except you.
I know more dead people than live ones, those folks with sad ones- caught in that spiral: they wanted one thing. Not to feel the way they did but unable to see they weren't in a tunnel facing a train: they were under a night sky. They could have made so many different choices.
I have caught the news. I read the hate. I read the lives of friends accepting their spirals as inevitable.
I know they are wrong, because among the living are those who chose to reach out. Those who chose, one difficult step at a time; to start taking care of themselves. To value themselves and to take the steps to heal and really live.
Each day, I take time to organize, clean, and to make sure I take care of me. Eat, exercise, socialize, keep my environment organized and healthy.
It makes a vast difference.
Someone said to me, after not seeing me in years, they hardly recognized me: excess weight gone, focus sharp, negativity gone. What good is it to allow the unhealthy behaviors and patterns rule your life?
Life is about living, and to really live you've got to take care of you. Look around you, how do you take care of you? Treat yourself with the respect you deserve.