All or Nothing

You find yourself staring at a candid photo of someone's honey coloured memory. A brief blurb letting you know about an emotionally charged situation. Your heart rises in sympathy. Rape or other violent crime plus ethnic label to season this equation with negative connotations equals jumping to conclusions and joining the latest Witch Hunt. Quick, put on your outrage. It's All or Nothing. Join the Social Media Mob of Good Intentions and Ethnic Cleansing! Get your virtual pitchforks and boiling tar over here! Bit currency accepted!

Stop. When you look at pictures and story teasers on social media, I ask you to do one thing before you do anything else. As your heart starts to get the feels, pause. Slip out of Facebook, Instagram, or whatever app you are in. Head over to a web browser. Do a search. Is the little blurb you're seeing truth or is it false?

Many of us have unintentionally shared false posts at some point getting carried away by a plausible pitch. In the early days of Facebook, I shared what interested me with the idea we each choose our own truths to believe, and I found some of the satire to be hilarious.
The world has gotten heavier with conflicts and gate seething like a pot about to boil over on a stove.

When you share an inflammatory post, hate accented with words that tug heart strings or passive aggressive prejudice that claims to be comedy you're actively hurting other people.

You're reinforcing prejudice. You're saying it is alright to judge and hate. You plant painful lies in the back of people's thoughts without considering they'll remember the emotion and the picture, they'll forget it was proven to be false.
Stop. It isn't All or Nothing.

Refugees aren't running around the country on rape and murder sprees but on the other hand vioent American criminals aren't being extradited to the states that have warrants- many are being allowed to go and commit more crimes as they slip across state lines and do terrible things. Do you remember the article about Police departments climing they don't have the money to transport violent criminals to the states they committed crimes in to face justice?

You forgot about that? It's real news. How many times have you seen little blurbs of hate shared on media blaming refugees, blacks, men, women, or another group for some terrible crime. "Murdering some sweet young girl so her ex military Daddy took the law into his own hands." This is what the narrator in a fictional story says.
If it sounds like the introduction to a bad B movie, it isn't news. Stop. Do not share it. Fact check it. Comment on it, in case there person who shared it is not aware they are sharing a fiction and helping breed prejudice. I will note, if you put it this way, your "friend" will probably not stick around.
There is enough real tragedy in the world. There is more than enough hate. A wise man once wrote "What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?"

One thought. If we all made the choice to jump as enthusiastically on  understanding and love instead of hopping the daily animosity train- if as much effort was put into respecting and communicating, think how different we could make the world?
If we looked at people wondering about their positive potential instead of assuming they'll manifest the worst behavior it makes a huge impact.
Other people aren't the enemy. Judgement, fear, and spreading inflammatory falsehoods are.

I hope that in a year I can look back and say "2018 was the year people really started questioning. 2018 was the year people started critically thinking. 2018 was the year many people held themselves accountable for their own shortcomings and they stepped up. They made changes. 2018 is the year many chose to set aside prejudice and hate. It was the first year on social media where people overwhelmed inflammatory posts with fact based comments; Snopes reported a seventy five percent drop in false hate articles."

I know, Ive got a big imagination. Imagine what the world could be like if we all set aside our fear and mistrust, if we all tried respecting each other?
This is a goal worth going All in on.

The Unspoken, Hate and Healing

Hate. A strong ugly word. I remember being on an ambulance call in a small town in western NY. The individual we went to transport to the hospital was one of two black people who lived in our town. I went to school with him. He was nice. He was smart. He was muddled sitting in a kitchen, in a dingy small town slum house. The rest of the squad had the look of impatience and unspoken distaste. The words they used to justify encouraging him to deny transport "drugs." No evidence of drugs there but that's what they wanted to believe. I tried to do vitals and help him, the others stood back. The unspoken body language he read motivated him to decline transport.
I was shocked. There was awkwardness after we left. This was a truly skilled squad, I was friends with everyone on that call. My brother was on that call.
That silent, unspoken consent to view a situation in a way that didn't rock the boat and bowed to outdated values was eye opening.
I started really looking at how I was raised. At my community. Why did my half black aunt tell most people she was northern Italian?
When I was young, I tried to do things for social approval in the hopes I could win the love of my parents. I wanted friends.
I was rewarded for cruelty and ridiculed for compassion. Tricked my brother into drinking toilet water, get to sit on my dad's lap. Trick the neighbor into shooting a dog in the face with a squirt gun, so she got nipped- Mom chastised me but Dad took me out to point out animals so he could shoot them. Intimidate someone, Mom might brag to all her friends.
It didn't feel right. I was small, smart and female in a small minded town. If I'd been a boy, I would have been popular. I wasn't, so I made people nervous. Other kids didn't like me. I was teased, locked in lockers, bullied and got attacked by other kids. I spent a lot of time at the nurses office. After a while, I stopped seeking approval. I watched. I observed. I stopped wanting approval from peers. Over time, watching how my parents manipulated and mistreated nice people I became embarrassed and started learning from those nice people how to be less of a monster and more of a human being.
I chose to grow.
Hate.
With the election and the behavior of a portion of people who seem determined to say and do terrible things- in part for approval from people they look up to and in part due to their desire to do something or say something to hurt those they choose to hate or antagonize.
Confronting them only gives them reinforcement and resolve- locking them against letting go of hate, asking them questions and getting them to see where their hate logic fails is the key to unlocking that door.
It's easy to hate a group of people. It's easy to judge. It's easy to dismiss, justify, turn a blind eye and immerse in the shallow socially acceptable waters of those who are like minded.
It's harder to accept responsibility for mistakes and hate or fear driven words and deeds. It is harder to change and accept that the views you were raised with might not be right or respectful.
What causes hate? Judgement. Teachings. Past experiences which might have been with an individual but have been generalized. "You people," "they," "all," "always," and "never" are dangerous words.
Hate is not something you fight, fighting hate is like arguing with a fool. You come out exhausted, drained, frustrated- and the fool still never changes.
Hate is something you change through your own choices and behavior. Questions. Information. Helping others realize they are hurting other wonderful people who did nothing to warrant such treatment or judgement. Imagine hate as a pus filled wound someone is proud of, to reduce it the person with the wound has to realize they have a wound and they have to want to address it. If you chase them around throwing bottles of antiseptic and squirting antibiotic ointment in their direction- its going to make a mess and its going to utterly fail.
To change hate and reduce bigotry, we as a people need to come together and communicate. We need to build support networks. We need more education and critical thinking, less emotional responding.
We need to find a way to remind people that we are all human, we all deserve to be respected.
Bashing someone because of their gender, religion, ethnicity- these things need to become a thing of the past. This will only happen by coming together, demonstrating over and over that the justifications people hide behind to do horrible things are bullshit and that our society will not tolerate it- regardless of who leads the country.
Folks, this is on us. We've got to go beyond our echo chambers and face the hate with truth. "You got beat by a girl." "What does gender have to do with it?" Is my new response. Actions speak louder than words. Demonstrate reality, and the house of cards collapses. Create connections. Remind people of connections they have. Real people making real strides forward despite the biases they face.
Some day perhaps the unspoken will not be prejudice, some day I hope to see the unspoken to be inclusion and empathy.

The Absurdity of the War on Terrorism

Often when we disagree with someone or a group of people, we assume a stance of hostility, blame and we choose violence; perpetuating never ending cycles of vengeance and trauma. For example: Your country has different beliefs than mine and I decide that some of your people are heinous criminals that I need to destroy. You may or may not agree. I bomb your country to kill the infidels. Problem: my bomb does not just kill the infidel, it creates an area of destruction. I kill many people, some of whom never thought or did anything harmful or contrary to my beliefs-they may not have supported the infidel either! Their family members suffer the trauma of their death as well as the wounds they may survive with in a world that has been shattered by a bomb. They have little to live for, except revenge against the callous apathy that eradicated their loved ones with the push of a button. Each bomb dropped is another wave of death, destruction, and mangled lives. Each bomb creates emotional, psychological and physical trauma of immense proportions. When survivors suddenly side against me, I feel I'd better go kill those infidels too. Infidels just keep popping out of the wood work, and it reinforces my shallow view that 'all those people over there are evil and twisted' when ironically it was my choices, my attacks that shaped their perception of the world. In actuality, I am the one who committed the crime.

I bring this point up in contrast to the humanitarian programs. If you really want to stop terrorism you do not fight it, bomb it or threaten it. You choose to make amends and start the healing process. You make reparations, you offer empathy and foster an environment where everyone has food, shelter, clothing, and safety. You do not move armies in or drop missiles. Give people a  reason to choose to turn away from retaliation, give people a reason to stop supporting violence on either side. There should be one side-humanity.

We get so wound up with how right we are, we pick and hold our arguments close to our hearts. Is there any wonder why the 'enemy' does the same? What would your life be like, how would you choose to live if suddenly a missile struck your town, killing your loved ones and friends and destroying your economy? You'd what? Go get weapons and make them pay? Right, that is exactly what they are doing, isn't it amazing how much alike both 'sides' think?

Labeling groups of people and judging everyone who could possibly be involved or supportive of the group is not a sign of enlightenment or compassion. It is absurd. Do you like it when someone labels you and treats you with bias because of your appearance or beliefs? No. I have yet to meet anyone who gets tickled pink by the idea of being called a bigot or referred to with slurs.

If you want to end terrorism you have to look at ways to bring positive changes and stability into the countries that are torn by poverty and war. You have to give people something to live for. Regardless of how bad things get in the United States people do not race around committing acts of terrorism every day. Why? Because they are comfortable, they do not want to lose what they have, and they have the freedom to waste time playing video games and eating junk food. Give people what they need. Give them respect and tolerance. Foster growth. Open communications in a constructive manner.

Stop trying to be the final judge, jury, and executioner for the villains; start giving people a reason to start being human again instead of faceless enemies. I'm getting tired of the absurd arguments for perpetual wars, especially when I see people in our own country struggling to get by on low wages, when corporations take high paying jobs overseas to increase profit margins, and legislation is passed for the good of the profit rather than the good of the people. Let's get our priorities straight. Let's become a respectable country known for wisdom and compassion rather than weapons sales and mass destruction. Let's stop creating terrorists and committing acts of terrorism-before you say we don't do that, think about the recent findings about the CIA. The CIA allegedly works on your behalf. I am not proud of the techniques they used and I do not feel there is ever a justifiable reason to torture anyone. Ever.

A New Year approaches. We can choose to change our country, our stance, our view. Why not choose a healthier one and become a leader in changing the world in a positive way? Remember peace, when does it get a chance? When does the name calling and retribution stop? How much has to be destroyed before we admit that we are going about this backward?