Letting Go

I learned teaching archery the hardest thing for people to learn was letting go. I could tell them over and over "let go of the string" and they'd look at me with a desperate expression while they opened some of their fingers, usually dropping the arrow and still managed to grip the string. The arrow can't fly if you don't let go. The string even pulls against your fingers, which should hint at the natural action of opening your hand. Somehow it doesn't.
I tried different tactics but still that letting go got in the way of success. 
It was a wise old friend who explained the problem was the words. Letting go is hard to do, we try to get those things back or we aren't sure. Releasing isn't hard, it's what you do when it's something we weren't meant to keep- or it would be ridiculous to keep. We don't let go of the bee in our house, we release it out a window.
I started using that word in my lessons and people stopped holding the string. They were successful, with less anxiety and effort. They had fun without difficulty, not realizing how challenging that pesky string could be.
When you try to let go of things, do you end up gripping them tighter? Letting go of baggage and trauma, just brings those bags back in a landslide of weight. Acknowledging and releasing them lessens emotional impact and allows you to move forward.
You can create new healthy expectations, allow stability and growth by releasing yourself from the stuck spots and feelings. You don't have to remember everything. You don't have to relive it. You can choose your focus, your direction, who you want to be and how you want to be treated.
Walking in circles in your head trying to find the right spot to unravel the pain from the past only keeps you living the wound and sinking back into the mindset and perceptions that were there when you were wounded. A broken hand doesn't heal by having the same trauma over and over, or by having the injury ignored.
May you release what's been holding you back and allow yourself to grow.

How Are You Approaching Life?

Mythology tells the story of a man who rolls a huge boulder up a mountain only to find himself at the base of the mountain again, same boulder waiting to be pushed to the summit. We’ve all heard the story. We’ve all nodded at it, thought how stupid it was, and wondered why the guy perpetually keeps trying. Seriously, how many attempts do you make before you walk away or push the boulder in another direction? 

Obsession? Desperation? The perception that there is only one path ahead of you? The story was meant to be a lesson, not to let yourself lose sight of the other paths open to you. I spent a lot of years pushing boulders uphill, only to find myself still at the base of the mountain looking up. Rebuild again, redefine again, start over and never look down. Each push exhausting, each attempt full of lessons. Determination kept me moving forward. The day came where I sat down next to the boulder. Where had all my efforts gotten me? They gave me the chance to travel, but not the budget to really appreciate the places I went. I grew friendships and through those saw my friends fighting their own battles- some also pushing their own boulders while others stood in the water unable to appreciate the resources around them- unable to even drink what rippled beneath their chin. 

I reached a point where I stopped caring about the top, the rock and realized the story isn’t really about either of those things. It is entirely about you. How many times do you have to start over? How many times do you have to collect all the tools to survive and thrive? How many times do you have to let go of what you’ve gained to step forward? 

No more living in a tent without electric. No more outdoor living in uncertain weather. Suddenly, you have tools. A chisel, to break apart the stone. To turn that rock into smaller stones you can build with. You start making bricks. Now you can make a place to live. A safe place, your own place instead of just being a guest in other people’s lives. 

The hardest step is letting go of the fight, the excuses why you need to keep doing what isn’t making you happy or helping you grow. Letting go of the scars and wounds from your past, the ones you don’t even realize shape your life costing you more than you know. Sabotaging success and leaving you questioning your worth and echoing the worst parts of your past. 

I started a new life in Oklahoma, following my grandfather’s wisdom. I worked hard. Constantly worked to do my best running five businesses. Ordering, inventory, displays, hiring, overseeing shops and employees. Never making enough money to move forward on my goals, but at least making enough to keep pushing the rock up the hill. This spring I was setting up a shop and had two hardwood boards come down on the top of my head. 

The pain was immense. I had to keep pressure on my head just to make the pain bearable. I couldn’t see how bad it was. I was terrified. No one who saw it would let me see their facial expressions after they saw it. Several people let me know later that they had seen my skull, that when I moved my hands for them to look at the wound, blood spurted about five feet forward. Friends kept me calm while the doctor put staples in. Memories were foggy, it was hard to remember moment to moment at first. For several weeks the headache was non-stop. Then with weather changes. I was still anxious. No referral to a neurologist. No after care. It’s reality without health insurance. I didn't tell many people how bad the accident and injury really were. 

Post concussive disorder, headaches, blood pressure spikes were a thing. I ended up in the ER, the doctor there echoed my friends. Find a more supportive job with less stress, and if possible seek one out with benefits. Put yourself first instead of the rock. Most of my possessions are still sitting in a van in Oklahoma, because it was more important to move in a new direction; than to have things. Surviving a flood taught me you can always rebuild and get new things. The move has been positive. 

Stress is lower. I’m not pushing a rock uphill every day. I’m feeling better and able to look at my future and chop the proverbial rock apart to shape it into anything I choose to. It feels good, not to be driven. For a while, as I traveled without a safety net, not knowing when my next gig would be, my mantra was “flying not falling.” I was a leaf spinning in the wind, hoping the updrafts would keep me from hitting ground. I had to learn that I couldn’t break that cycle until I landed. When you see someone living that cycle, there is nothing you can say that will change things for them. They’ve got internal struggles and perceptual issues they have to face to see their own hand in the flawed and dangerous path their life is on. 

You have to care for yourself enough to chose to create a healthy environment for yourself. You have to want to build a future rather than just survive or escape the worst parts of your past. These sound like simple things, but in reality, they are part of everyone’s every day struggles. Some never face them, excusing every interaction in their lives as chance, luck or someone else’s fault. Some dive into the unhealthiest situations and relationships just to destroy themselves faster, or passively live in a purgatory of their own making. We each have choices, so are you rolling a boulder up a hill or are you living?

What Makes Life Meanginful?

The opportunity to give a memory, an experience to someone else. Without reward or accolades, a shared moment. 

The chance to take an aging Father bowling so he can see, years later, that you still love the game. The opportunity to watch a young friend laugh as she learns how to play pinball. The crack in a friend's voice when they hear how important a gift they dismissed became in your life. 

  Years ago, my friend Bones gave me a black sheepskin hat. It fit perfectly. I carried it everywhere I traveled. When it was cold, there was the hat. Warm and cozy. It became a symbol of not being alone, of being safe even in the coldest winter night. When life was stressful, I turned the hat inside out and rested my head on it. He tuned out of social media, so I couldn't tell him what impact he had on my life. How meaningful his gift was. 

We aren't the people who determine what is meaningful in another person's life: we merely have the opportunity to open that door for them and sometimes we get to share the memory and gratitude with them. 

The sound in my friend's voice, when he realized he'd done something meaningful in my life, that someone had been worried about him for years and he hadn't known- it changes perspective. The world isn't such a dark or lonely place; it's the little things that have meaning and get us out of our own mental traps. 

May your life be full of meaningful moments, and may you always remember your words and actions can be gifts. 

Critical Self Maintenance

So many people are concerned with what they are entitled to, how other people should treat them, with what they should have.
Yet they don't take care of themselves. They get caught up in their own struggles, never reaching out. They get caught up in their baggage instead of putting to down. Their homes are in disarray, but they get their jobs done. They don't eat right. They don't take care of symptoms when they are manageable, instead they let things snowball until what could have been a bump in the road becomes a one way ticket off the mortal coil. They hold onto their hurts instead of healing.
Some use shopping, collecting material goods they don't need as a pacifier; others food, others drink or take their pills to keep the feelings and thoughts at Bay.
It's a downward spiral that paralyzes many.
No one can stop that spiral except you. No one can make that choice to reach out to friends and supports except you.
I know more dead people than live ones, those folks with sad ones- caught in that spiral: they wanted one thing. Not to feel the way they did but unable to see they weren't in a tunnel facing a train: they were under a night sky. They could have made so many different choices.
I have caught the news. I read the hate. I read the lives of friends accepting their spirals as inevitable.
I know they are wrong, because among the living are those who chose to reach out. Those who chose, one difficult step at a time; to start taking care of themselves. To value themselves and to take the steps to heal and really live.
Each day, I take time to organize, clean, and to make sure I take care of me. Eat, exercise, socialize, keep my environment organized and healthy.
It makes a vast difference.
Someone said to me, after not seeing me in years, they hardly recognized me: excess weight gone, focus sharp, negativity gone. What good is it to allow the unhealthy behaviors and patterns rule your life?
Life is about living, and to really live you've got to take care of you. Look around you, how do you take care of you? Treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

The Human Condition: Approach is Everything

The world pushes: faster, harder, get in line. Treat people with the utmost respect, but fuck them. Entitlement and expectation are weapons, excuses the endless defense. Labels, endless finger pointing. Who is at fault? Sorry, not sorry. Feeling cute, might be an utter piece of shit later but appearances are important?

A few years ago I lived in a tent. A friend had a generator system set up to offer electric to everyone who was living in tents. The price was reasonable. He freely taught anyone who would listen how to monitor their usage, how to pick electronics- especially fans and lights that would not cost a fortune to use. I was amazed how many people didn't ask, didn't listen and got outright outraged when their bill came due at the end of the event.

Life. Life is like that campground. Full of people, caught up in their own stories and desire to be important in their own lives. Moving too fast and pushing too hard to stop and actually evaluate what is really important. It isn't a race. Life is an experience. They burn themselves out, abuse or neglect themselves hoping someone else will intercede to save them like in a Disney movie. They don't understand that all the time they squander- they can't get a refund or stiff the bill.

How we treat each other, how we spend that time, spinning away behind us as our threads wind toward their unknown ends- that is what is key. What is truly important? Time with the people we love. Time working toward the achievements we dream of. Taking walks with friends. Sharing meals. Growing gardens. Joking and watching families be families.

I love moments where I get to witness people doing it right. A girl coming into the store with her dad, to show off a costume- a character she created and made herself. Spending her time, their time working on a dream.

Are you taking time to live? I get it. The excuses. Bills. Expectations. You can work and live. You can balance out the present between working for your future and experiencing now. The next time you feel the urge to jump into annoyance or frustration because instant gratification wasn't in your cards, step outside of yourself. Look at the big picture. Are you reacting like a child throwing a tantrum because someone carried you up a mountain but  brought oranges instead of cookies for a snack? Are you waking up each day thinking about all the things that are right in your world or are you discontent and looking to spread that feeling around?

My life has been change, it has been lessons; sometimes hard ones. I own my mistakes, and my focus is now and tomorrow. In a disconnected world, connect and be human. Sometimes when we let ourselves get caught up in minutiae we miss the real wonder life is.