Living in a Country of Glass Houses

Several beautiful friends have written elegant Facebook posts to raise awareness and empower the greater community facing derision and furtive attacks from folks who feel the Slingshot of Judgment will somehow sanctimoniously get them some sort of reward. I remind myself often that you cannot make someone who chooses to be blind and deaf to reality change. You can offer perspective and hope that it hits a chord.
So today, I write this ballad.
Years ago I volunteered on the county's mental health crisis hotline. I was the lone professional stooping down to offer my free time at first. I took a call from a girl who knew she was a girl except there was a piece that did not belong. She thought she was broken, that something was wrong with her. She had tried cutting it off. My heart broke for her. I gently explained transgender. I was the first person to tell her the only wrong thing was her body goofing up its sexually expressed genes. She became less distraught as we talked, realizing that she wasn't a freak or alone. That she could have support and go through medical treatment to get the piece that didn't belong removed, that she was one of many that deal with transgender reality. When I went to the monthly meeting for volunteers it was eye opening. They had stood by outdated value systems until I went over that call. Regardless of their backgrounds or beliefs- every volunteer understood where that caller was coming from, none of them wanted any human being to feel so outcast or alone. They all listened. Transgender was new to them. After that call, that tiny county changed how it handled calls. I never knew anything about her except her voice. I hope she's smiling and that her world isn't a dark one anymore- it never should have been.
Going back further, back to when I was six. I was rambunctious. I was a small child. I loved swinging wildly on my great grandmother's macrame plant holders. I collided with the corner of a wooden table. I was in the emergency room, they had just done stitches. A teenage neighbor, a strong girl, she was there too. I had just been released from restraints. I was still in fight and panic mode. She calmed me down. She was a role model in a life full of screwed up ones. She looked sad. I saw she had just gotten stitches too. On her wrists. I asked what happened. Her mother cut in and said she broke a glass washing dishes and it sliced both wrists. Odd that the cuts were neat. Odd that the girl had an expression that shouted the words were a lie. I understood. My mom made up shit all the time. CPS was the boogeyman she would terrorize me with.  People acted like there was something wrong with the girl. The same people who begged for lies and platitudes. The ones who chose to see the two mothers as shining stars rather than scrutinizing the abandonment and emotional abuse beneath. Our struggles were different but we sat there islands that for a moment were not alone.
Years later, I heard she went to Canada and married her girlfriend. Last time I saw her she had smile lines. I hope she is still smiling.
Working in mental health I walked through the hearts and minds of those broken and struggling to find a reason, struggling for balance.
The refrain is the words of Little Billy, whose parents sexually, emotionally, and physically abused him. "I just want to help people. I want to be worth something. I want to save them. I want them to look at me and see a hero when they needed one." The hero he never had but imagined and wished for. I understand why Baum wrote Wizard of Oz. Billy was my Dorothy. His fractures could never fully heal due to limited IQ. It did not stop him from trying. He never quite understood how he was a hero to some of us on staff. He could never defeat his demons, born with both hands tied genetically behind his back. If he is still alive, he is still trying.
If only we all had his fortitude.
People shout judgements at each other. Slap labels and toss derogatory jokes like grenades with the surprised "why are you offended" reaction when you call them on it. Why aren't we teaching tolerance, empowerment, and cooperative team building? Empathy is in a drought, hate is the scent on the wind.
Who pays the price?
Unfortunately, the stones get thrown wily nily based on Memes and attention seeking headline teasers. Shots of venom to cloud the judgement; first round is always free. You pay the price in integrity.
Today, take a moment. Let go of stones. If you are going to pick up a stone instead of throwing it, try rock sculpture or perhaps putting it gently back down in respect for the millions who struggled with their personal demons and lost. The suicides. The victims of hate crimes. The victims of senseless violent crimes. Those who fought against diseases and were defeated.
For them, reach out and be open to caring for the amazing people fighting battles in their heads you have no right to judge. They are the stars that shine in my sky that inspire me to connect and keep reaching.

Happiness is not the same as disguised desperation.

In this country we have the right to pursue happiness, but what is it?

People post they are happy so long as they close their eyes to things that bring them down. Think positive. Pizza, material goods, travel, family, coupons, gifts, entertainment bring happiness. Humor, whether the jokes are universal or universally inappropriate, bring happiness to others.

But are we using the right word? Awesome is supposed to be used to describe something incredible, awe inspiring yet we use it for things that are everyday and average.

Douglas Adams noted Eskimos have many words to describe rain. Perhaps there should be different words for transitory, situational, and deep happiness?

Perhaps instead of running from the shadows of things that make our hearts cry, we stand. We cry. We face and bring ight to the shadows. We become the stars changing the night from bleak to beautiful. We grant wishes through actions. We connect with each other without grudging religion, politics, color, or belief. We choose the reshape the world to prioritize people and the environment. We prioritize the real, living world - without a healthy one, it doesn't matter how nice the digital ones we create are.

Instead of escapism, choose something you can do to empower yourself. To reshape the cold apathy of our society into light, warm affection.

I think real deep happiness comes when we heal ourselves, when we accept responsibility for who and what we are and we stop choosing resentments, bias and hurtful behavior.

A good friend said he can't believe people still kill each other. Violence begets violence. Healing begets growth. It can be scary, painful and unpleasant at times but that's part of the process. If you have a broken leg it will hurt to set it properly so it can heal but if you avoid that pain you will only end up with worse pain and loss of function. Emotions have functions, more subtle than the physical body but just as important.

We make the choices on what the rules are, what is bought and sold, how, as well as how we are treated and how we treat each other.

It is time for us to all be all colors, to recognize love is important, to value our differences and honor our different stories.

When we do this, happiness is there. Real, true and lasting. It is not about closing our eyes. It is about opening them so we can take the wheel and drive.

An example in real life is Colorado Gators. In the 1970s they started as a fish farm, and got gators to feed dead fish to, a sort of natural recycling. They blossomed into a sanctuary for rescued reptilian pets as well as being a fish farm. Now they have Gators of all sizes and ages, several rattlesnakes, monitor lizards, bias, pythons, fronts, turtles and even other animals. Most of their animals are rescues, they even have horses, emu, and ostriches, as well as ducks, chickens and geese. It was a beautiful farm, rich with real farm scents of living healthy animals. Those folks change the world every day, teaching and tending animals that were taken out of the wild only to become more than their owners could manage. They have an impact. Their happiness was not a fleeting thing, like the happiness of eating a delicious pizza but instead it was a deeper bliss that ripples out into the lives of all that stop by and bravely hold the baby gator and mug for a photo.

One example among thousands. Eyes open, it is your choice.

The Absurdity of Modern Priorities

The Absurdity of Modern Priorities

Tired of hearing advertisements and news bites? Tired of hearing about social and environmental issues? It is absurd how everything is so amazing and terrible at the same time. Planes getting lost, countries struggling with recession, pollution from the nuclear plants in Japan continuing to have a devastating effect on the Pacific Ocean. Sometimes you just want to massage your ears, sometimes you wish you could massage your mind. Feeling like the issues around you are sometimes distorted to influence how you choose to live and what you choose to buy. Gofundthis one or that one instead of buying a good or product from them to support them. I am not against supporting people. I just wonder why we don't choose to buy products from someone or work out contracts with them when we want to endorse them, instead we encourage them to ask us for handouts. Why not be a real support and offer them sales, share and offer feedback to encourage others to do the same? Why not offer connections and a hand up?

Danny Lord massaging his ears after the latest tedious advertisements.

It is absurd that every time the sky becomes cloudy, the news channels start describing the latest Weather Apocalypse unfolding outside your door. People suddenly rush to stores, stock up on groceries, cancel plans to go to outdoor events and they hunker down. They turn on the television, they surf the web. They inundate themselves with short, edited videos to distract themselves. They watch the antics of animals, pranks, crazy things caught on video. We spend our time using applications. Ten years ago an application was something you filled out to get a job. Now it's a little icon you click on to open a program designed to be user friendly. Something to make your world easier or to distract you from this one.

It is absurd to watch people sit on their phones and tablets on a beautiful sunny day, instead of appreciating the world around them. Touching, smelling, observing, and talking; living outside of our heads. It is absurd that more restaurants do not have signs requesting or requiring people to minimize their phone use and socialize. We are going to have to start offering classes to teach people how to socialize without a small rectangular box.

How many hours a day do people log in and play virtual games? How much time do you spend in virtual worlds? Out of curiosity I spent a few months playing several games, the games are designed to encourage you to play frequently with time sensitive settings that limit how much you can play unless you send invitations to your friends and allow the games to post on your Facebook timeline. You find yourself thinking "it's been five hours, I should have enough points back that I could finish this or that task." Instead of going out on a hike, learning local plants and wildlife; instead of working or volunteering to better the world; you're watching cartoon graphics.

This month I have started using Duolingo, I set goals for how much I want to learn and practice every day. I am working on improving my spanish skills. In one month, I have taken a few minutes every day and am now at a point where I can read over 50% of written spanish communications. One month. What does a Farmville or Castle Dragon trophy get you? What does it do for you to level up at Candy Crush Saga? Nothing. You cannot put them on your resume. They do not enhance your skills, your ability to think, create, dream, imagine. They just distract you and your time slides away. The value of your time depreciates.

This summer I stayed with a friend who loves gardening. She was very busy, so I tended her plants. Every day I went out and watered them. It only took several minutes a day. Had we planned ahead, we could have grown a full garden! I watch people play games where they grow crops, build houses and create empires. I find it absurd that someone will waste their time planting a virtual garden when they could go outdoors and plant a real one. Instead of wasting their time watching pixels they could enjoy the real thing. It's winter? Indoor garden or spend the time learning different gardening techniques.

Still don't think the virtual reality that we over prioritize is absurd? Remember Guitar Hero? Remember how many people picked up plastic instruments and began to play? Remember how good they THOUGHT they got, only to find out that after hours and hours and hours of practice… They had NOT gained any actual skill and could NOT play an actual instrument.

Why do we have to do surveys to find out what superhero or cartoon character or mythological being we are? Why do we need to associate ourselves with some generic quiz that really has no relation to reality to validate or amuse ourselves? What does it matter which character you are like? Are you really like a character from a fiction or are you a unique and complex individual that should take pride in who and what they are instead of having to build ourselves up by saying 'see I'm like this and like that.'

People who know us, know what we are really like. People who care about us do not care about whether we are like a dragon or an angel. Truth is we aren't like any of the fictional people, animals or creatures. We are all different. We are unique. It is absurd that we devalue and depreciate ourselves by condensing ourselves into canned, generic answers someone wrote to amuse themselves as they wasted their time creating the survey! The surveys are a clever way to get us to advertise products, just like clothing with company logos. We pay in time to be walking and sharing advertisements. Sad thing is, we share these things first.

We share articles that fit our political views. We share pictures. We could share links to our friends work to help them connect and grow. Instead we share surveys and game requests, we spend our time shifting shapes into patterns to reach the next level. We choose not to spend the time improving our life skills or doing little things that improve our lives and our world.

We miss out on the experiences we could be having. We miss out on laughing and loving. Choose to skip the surveys and be yourself. Learn how to do a balancing act with a snail or not.

The snail actually balanced quite well. It could have a future in entertainment. 

When did you laugh most recently? When did you do something absurd? When did you do something to improve yourself? Be honest, how much time do you spend each day letting your life go by as your fingers keep pace on the hammer wheel of your virtual world?

What are your priorities? Do you let the media shape them? Do you let your smartphone and applications shape them? Is it time for you to play your game or pass a survey on?

Why not pass on something to provoke the mind? Why not work on improving yourself and your world? No matter how much we choose to bury world news under the pabulum of memes and pop star coverage, the reality is there. There was a cartoon once of Nero passionately playing the fiddle while Rome burned behind him. Are we choosing to allow inept politicians and greedy corporations to determine the quality and condition of our world in trade for the virtual one they offer us as a cheap distraction? It is our choice, not theirs. We make it every time we choose to sit for a session of Castle Dungeon Candy Farm Zombie World Assault or whatever the latest game is, we make it when we share surveys and memes instead of links to help others in need or encouraging sales for local businesses and friends. Let's choose to empower people rather than enable absurdity.