There's More to a Book than it's Cover, there's more to a Person than what you see on the Surface

It's a good question, we get caught up in the Now so much we forget where we've come from until we hear someone say "you don't have real world work experience or management experience." 

You stand there shocked silent. Memories flood your brain, because you know how inaccurate this statement is:

You remember working in hospitals, nursing homes as Case Manager, Social Work Director, Social Worker. Your job was literally managing the lives of others, from walking them through legal issues, medicaid applications and appeals, advocating for them, teaching life and emotions management skills for healthy living. You volunteered as an EMT, coordinated fundraising events. You created your own Murder Mystery Company, trained your actors, choreographed, scripted, designed and printed all the media and wrote the contracts. 

Your second year on the road, 2007, you became a Manager for a soda and gaming company. Hired specifically to overhaul the games for fairness, restructure so customer satisfaction and employee performance and retention improved. That employer trusted your judgement, the second year working for him, he followed your recommendation and decreased crew size by over half, hiring quality managers who selected strong employees and paid everyone higher. And the issues the company had constantly struggled with in the past? Gone. Sales went up. Customer satisfaction went up. Trustworthy employees sought work with us. I worked with that company when I had openings in my schedule through 2016, and I also was asked to design more games and entertainment for patrons to be drawn to the business to watch or participate in while they got their refreshments.Those were equally successful. Piper's Pub wasn't a nickel and dime business. In a weekend we could easily do asuch business as a brick and mortar store in a month, so long as we did it right. 

I managed for Bows of the Risen Son, teaching archery and selling bows at events around the Country for a fantastic Boyer from 2008 through 2018, as my schedule allowed. I researched more events and venues for sales opportunities. 

I managed a walking stick and metal carving business for Staffs by Gust, a clothing and costume rental booth where the Owner hired me because she needed a strong Manager who would run her business with integrity, because she admitted she could not. I changed the displays based on networking with peers who had worked with clothing. I posted prices clearly. Created sets with prices marked. Hired two excellent employees with different skill sets, and the three of us took the average day from 2k to 6-8 K. 

Stage and street entertaining, also not a walk in the Park. Design your own website, negotiate contracts, do public promotional appearances, merchandising. 

To work at special events you have to be adept with social media, Microsoft programs, Google programs, Mac programs, spreadsheets, invoices, inventory, shipping and receiving. You have to be flexible and resourceful, withstand weather conditions with a smile, know how to interact with large crowds and sometimes say the same thing over and over with a smile, like it isn't the thousandth time you've said it that hour. 

You located week work painting handmade wooden shields, painting sometimes 30+ in a day, you handmade flower garlands. 

You spent seven years, sometimes working full time reviewing college admissions teams on their performance on contract by their executives. Evaluating their presentation, looking for issues within the locations, doing written reports and audio recordings for their employers. Estimating travel expenses, tracking expenses and turning in receipts, invoicing and creating the fictional characters you portrayed well enough to do neutral evaluations. Being over 400 people in 7 years. Being identified as the top ranked college reviewed in the US. 

You stepped into Management at the Castle of Muskogee. You worked 70 hours a week. You painted shops, repaired holes in roofs. You set up displays, researched product lines, set KPIs with the owner and reviewed them weekly during events, you handled all the ordering, receiving, inventory, hiring, training, every aspect of running six distinct businesses. You handled their online sales and created an inventory database. You organized their warehouses. You created a new shop in five days before opening weekend, and it turned a profit in its first season. 

You moved on to Blue Sun Soda Shop. You created a team of employees who were soda specialists, describing the flavors rather than "good or bad." You did the hiring, training, signage, handled all special events, tours, ran a 1950s soda fountain, managed the retail floor, in store distribution, warehouse and when the company switched their inventory program you created the database for the new one. You worked with Shopventory's IT team to help them create programming to allow batching to turn single items into cases or packs and vice versa. Because the program didn't have that function and the store needed it. You handled internet issues. Troubleshooting with Square, even handled the whole system crashing Labor Day weekend with a level head. 

During COVID you created a safe, soothing environment, and continued to make sales and seek out customers. You made sound business recommendations to the Owner, that heeding them, increased distribution, put a solid employee in as head of distribution, and the Store grew into a multilocation chain. Your redesigned tours won best tour in the state 2021, you listened to customers and the Lead Bottler when you redesigned it. Your team and store won Bronze in Best Family Fun Attraction in MN Best 2021: and you were a retail store that beat out every theme park and special event venues, coming in after two excellent Zoos. 

You have years of experience in Management. You have years of experience in Customer Service. You have years of experience problem solving and networking, resolving challenges and overcoming difficult situations. 

And you realize, this person you're talking to doesn't understand or realize any of that. They don't know that you once had a guy stand on your shoulders and held a piece of plywood up so he could screw a wall in place. He doesn't realize you spent weeks digging ditches for drainage and lining them with rocks your crew hauled, coordinating them and keeping morale up. 

He doesn't realize you had to watch costs and set prices. You had to research and learn every product and product line. You had to become an expert at fireworks, soda, candy, entertainment, college admissions, social work, discharge planning, medical treatment and end of life care, emergency situations, conflict resolution, budgeting, scheduling, evaluating performance, hiring, archery, survival, sword fighting, axe throwing, staff carving, trauma counseling, floral arrangements, graphic and website design, and all the various computer programs. 

Because all they see is the happy go lucky tour guide/artist, and the assumptions drown out the reality of all the real, hard work and achievements. 

And if all you see is a happy go lucky guide, working as a Guide, it means I've done my job so well that you've missed that there's more to this Storyteller than just a handful of stories. 

Take Care of You First

Altruism is fantastic, in real life it is rare. This has been a year of hard lessons, apparently I hadn't learned them well enough so they came back bigger. Don't ever let anyone convince you that you are responsible for their life and wellbeing while they refuse to attend to their own wellness or even identify goals. Do not accept the people closest to you gaslighting or abusing you. Emotional, financial and psychological abuse are just as real and painful as physical abuse. And regardless of a pandemic, if someone is doing that: do not let the door kick them in the ass on the way out. They are not your responsibility. You do not have to live with someone insulting and belittling you while you work to pay the bills of two people. 

Be careful who you put on a lease. I got stuck with that problem because I offered a place for a guy to put his life back together after he left an abusive relationship. Only, it takes two to tango and he did not deal with or address his own abusive behaviors. It cost my savings to get him to leave in May, after the first trip to the ER. When he made it transparent that he had zero empathy or consideration. While I was working and balancing a budget to pay my medical bills, he was buying guitars he doesn't know how to play. 

The pain got worse and worse. It really started three years ago in Oklahoma, after several large boards fell and hit my head. I'll condense this part: three years of pain that became an avalanche by the time the right doctors and tests got involved. Three years of the damage quietly getting more severe, and pain I couldn't escape. 

Take care of you first: do not accept jobs for employers who do not invest in their employees or their companies. If they dislike the customers, if they smile about being obnoxious to employees, if they ignore their own business, yet put more and more of the hats to run that business on your head; step back. Are the pay and benefits competitive, considering the work you are doing? Are you being recognized as the person doing them? 

I worked so hard to keep Blue Sun open throughout the pandemic, without recognition, without a raise, without hazard pay, without any acknowledgement. My work made it possible for the company to keep it's doors open and expand to three locations. I encouraged the owner to purchase a local soda distribution company that wanted to sell. He wasn't overly interested, but I could see the potential. He purchased it. He was able to hire a two person full time team to handle the newly expanded Distribution. There was no reward, no recognition, no financial incentive in any of this for me, the General Manager. The owner smiled as revenue went up. It impacted his wallet. I argued for competitive wages. I could see that my arguments irritated the owner. I could not get the staff I needed at the pay offered, to do all the tasks that needed doing. I was having to go to food banks for groceries as a store manager, that is how far from competitive my wages were. I grew a company, the company won rewards and recognition based on training and events I created and implemented, but my name might as well be written on water. You can see the murals I painted. You can drink flavors I designed or assisted in designing, but there was no recognition of my value. The day after the Doctor benched me due to the severity of nerve inflammation in my spinal canal, they already had my staff picture off the wall. That was my thanks. 

The surgery went well, the instructions were "do not lift more than seven pounds" for three months after surgery. But I am not wealthy. I had years of underpaying jobs and optimistic choices, hoping for the best but reality was far from it. Ever trying to build a stable future, to invest my energy into a business I can grow with that offers incentives and competitive pay. I'd like to be given credit for the accomplishments I have made. Recovering from surgery, when there is something over seven pounds, there is no help around. Or when you need it moved is when someone says "When you need that moved, let me know." And you say, "yeah, now." And they're already gone, so you move what you aren't supposed to. 

When you can't afford rent, so you relocate where rent is half of what it is in Minnesota but there are hurdles. The last renter trashed the apartment. Several friends offered places to stay to recover, but there was a price tag that was too steep. They weren't offering out of altruism, they were offering because they wanted intervention on issues they had allowed to build in themselves and their environments and they wanted me there to set their lives right. A free live in Psychologist, but that is not what I need. I don't need to take care of other people's wellbeing. I need to take care of my own. To heal from surgery. To research and secure employment for a company that is supportive and healthy to work for, I am worth investing in and I am tired of investing myself in companies that do not deserve that investment; I weave gold from straw, in the past being recompensed with whatever low wage they could get away with. I hit fifteen an hour the start of my second year Managing Blue Sun: and that was more than a managing position, it was also warehouse managing, ordering, staffing, online sales and promotions, special events, retail sales, scheduling; it was everything. For Fifteen. I am worth more than that. 

My resolution for 2022 is to take care of me. To evaluate life and career decisions: to make sure I am taking care of myself, as I can't be healthy or be there fully for any career or relationship unless I value myself highly enough not to allow situations like the one I am in to develop. I can run seven small businesses at the same time and rotate them seasonally. I can grow a small business into a chain, even during a pandemic. I am capable of a lot more than that, and I would rather not devote that energy to businesses that do not deserve that level of investment or service. 

For 2022 my goals are to secure employment for a company I am proud to invest my energy in and grow with, to be selective in who my supports are and to keep addressing my wellbeing. Not carrying the baggage of the past, but using the lessons of the past to prevent repeating the same mistakes. Taking things one day at a time, to build the future I have always wanted. 

Take care of You First, if you do not; no one else will; life is not a war, and bad jobs, bad relationships: do not invest in them. It is healthy to walk away, learn your lessons, heal and grow. 

Oh God She Said Inventory Season!

     Inventory, the season of reconciliation. At work in the last six months we have changed procedure and the app we use to do inventory several times which meant count again. Confirm counts. It seemed like every week we were doing the counts again endlessly. Some of the items we had the stock memorized on by the fifth go around. Why is it important: if you don't know what you've got how do you know when you need more or when you've got more than enough and can use your budget for other things? 

    In life it is important to take inventory as well, on your progress toward professional and personal objectives. Where are you at on your path, what tools have you gained or set aside? What changes have you made toward your future plans from the experiences you live every day? A month ago, I looked around and realized I was so busy counting bottles I hadn't checked in on myself in a while.

    I took a step outside of myself, set aside excuses and bullshit; took a good look. How did I feel? What did I want? Who was I choosing to be close to? Who was supportive? Who was detrimental? What barriers to success in my heart, work, and home? 

    I took a good look, my head kept spiking with pain on the left side. I didn't know then I was in need of a root canal and that pain was from a dental procedure that should have been done by the Dentist but he handed his work of to his employees. If you are going to hand off work: make sure the person you are handing it off to addresses it properly and professionally. I hurt most days, and by the end of the day it was rough. I came home compromising with someone who claimed to love me, but not find me attractive or even really want to look at me for conversation. He sought dramas and dumpster fires to inventory every day, throwing other people's lives at me without asking them or me how we felt about such information being shared. I really just wanted to come home and relax but my coffee cup was in the wrong spot (the world is ending!) After coming home from the ER, having gotten a ride from a friend, the comment I got from the peanut gallery was "ran up a big bill for nothing." Not are you okay, not sorry I didn't sober up to pick you up, or sorry I wasn't there for you, not even a hug. 

    It got me taking that inventory on my life. How had I ended up with someone expressing hostility and criticism without even a smile, encouragement or any interest in me? I felt like I was a teenager in my parents house. Nope. Been there, done that, can I pack up your stuff and show you the door? This time I stood up for myself. I claimed my space, my life, my future. Peter Pan is a cool character in a fairy tale, in real life a Peter Pan is not a lover or soul mate, they always put themselves first and love to throw chaos at you to keep you off balance. The warning signs were there at the beginning, every time he told a life story and I went to share one he cut me off with 'we don't need to brag' then back into another story. Funny thing is, after a few years, most folks run out of interesting stories. Mine got bottled up. Tighter and tighter. When a Storyteller goes silent, that is when you should be concerned. Is he a bad guy or terrible person? No, his life and his decisions are his responsibility. Were we a healthy couple? No. I tried communication and compromise. He used ultimatums and all or nothing statements. His way was the only right way. I disagreed. I wish him a fantastic future, good health and success. His path is not mine. I hope we both learned some lessons that make the future easier. I am not perfect by any means. He wasn't the first to complain that I was remote. By that point I was in my mental inventory weighing him against the past lessons and mistakes I made. Unfairly, or fairly; I weighed his emotional lack of attachment versus my friends and peers. How do others treat me? Why such a marked difference: allegedly I am an inconsiderate, demanding, disorganized, unattractive asshole at home: even possibly the ultimate evil in the whole universe (insert maniacal laugh here) but a considerate, outgoing, motivated, connected and somewhat disorganized person at work? I wasn't changing personality or demeanor or language or body language. I was using a flawed mirror. What he saw when I walked in the door was all the traits in himself that made him feel negative.  What I was seeing in the people I interacted with everywhere else: that was a real mirror. Don't fret at the shape you look in a funhouse mirror: it is a funhouse mirror.

    I held the door open for my future, packed his boxes and moved them to the hallway as he picked them up to move on. I am enjoying my time with me. Getting back to just being me. Not coming home to someone trying to convince me I need them when I've handled life on my own all my life. Hell, I started working when I was 12. Reconnecting with the friends and people I really care about, staying connected. Addressing my health, working on my future and taking that long deep look into me and saying 'What am I so afraid of that I'd settle for a bad, loveless relationship instead of facing and stepping forward in my life?' I have reached a point where I love my friends, they've taught me to set a high bar. This time, it was that awareness that made a difference. Funny thing is, a lot of times you know what you want but you don't always have the words to ask but when the time is right, even if it takes twenty years, words won't be needed. 

  I share the big, ugly lessons I face down and wrestle with because I know I am not the only one. I know that sometimes what makes a difference for someone going through a rough time is reading or hearing that they are not alone and it is okay to put yourself, your wellbeing and future first. It doesn't make you broken, bad, stupid to make mistakes. Stupid is when we excuse or avoid them instead of learning from them. Break a glass on the floor, pretend it's not broken: someone will get cut. Avoid that broken glass, again sooner or later it'll be in your path. Get a broom and sweep it up. Takes a few seconds. Solves a lot of problems and prevents unnecessary pain. 

I wish you the best as you work on you, your passions, your future: the things that make your eyes light up. I wish you love and peace as you wrestle with your own inner demons and critics. Your future and your life is what you choose it to be. You choose who gets to be a part of it. Choose wisely. 

    

Apocalypse Bingo: 2020 in Hindsight

It has been a long year, it feels like 30 months rather than ten months have trudged by. If you had asked me twenty questions predicting the year I would not have remotely come close to anything that has happened. 

Words vanish as I try to write, to put feelings and thoughts where I can see them or even begin to address them. From a distance I have read about the passing of loved ones, family members of loved ones, illnesses, surgeries, emotional struggles, isolation, and frustration. I've been lucky that at the darkest times lived ones and friends have shared inspiring stories, connections and successes in the face of stress and uncertainty. The right customers have come in at the right time with the right words, unknowing of how important they are and how motivating they are. 

In the face of things, I work for a small business that has had to adapt to many changes because of Covid. We have worked hard and stayed careful so that we keep our staff, their families and the sodas we bottle safe. I am not a Nurse or Doctor, but I am one of the people who gives you a safe place to go to get away from it all for a brief time, and hopefully gets to make you smile. 

I've worked through the pandemic. Packing curbside pick ups, washing basket handles, regularly washing frequently touched surfaces, enforcing curbside service or properly worn masks in the store. Working with an amazing lady, Gretchen, who gives us her homemade cloth masks to give to everyone. 

So many feelings, thoughts and experiences. Dealing with rude, childish behaviors and tantrums from people who want to throw fits rather than be considerate, less each week but they still happen. Folks wrapped up in denial, who haven't seen the giant list of friends posting, heart broken by Covid deaths in their families. They haven't read posts written by friends who've had severe cases and been hospitalized or isolated with symptoms for months. They want to use the stats to downplay the severity and death toll, saying the flu kills people or it's just old people. People is the key word. The minute it's okay for a large amount of people to die for selfish excuses- there is a problem. What if it was young people? If it's not as bad as the flu why are more people dead in less than a year in the US than live in the city of San Bernardino California? Why is it suddenly cool to doubt science?

It's exhausting. Each day you look at that days goals and expectations. Each day you aim for three out of five. 

I find myself more avidly following and reading scientific articles, reading inspiring posts by friends, watching their year through pictures, playing hours of Mario kart just to let go of the static stress that is just from the different challenges the year haas brought. 

I come up with my apocalypse bingo card before the next month. For November: Political unrest, a blizzard, more fires, marshmallow shortage, a volcano in Washington state, erupting, a bear stealing a car in Colorado at a fast food drive through, three large hurricanes, Flying Clams, invasive jumping beans from Mexico, and penguins reveal they are secretly controlling the reptile people who control the world, and seven small tsunamis. They aren't things you hope for, but if you plan your bingo card for the worst, when the month isn't as bad as your card you sigh relief. 

It's dark humor and it's working. It could be worse. 

I am grateful in this dark year to have a significant other who is supportive, and reminds me to slow down. Rapture curls up on my lap and purrs, following us around the apartment like we are in a parade. Our neighbors have become our friends. Blue Sun has grown, and we now have two locations open in the Twin Cities, our team loves what we do and we have a diversity of skills, experiences, and character that gives us balance. Our garden was fruitful both in the produce we harvested as well as uplifting the mood of everyone who walked past it. 

I've wrestled with what do I say? How do I put down in words the feelings, thoughts? I don't need to. You feel them. You think them. There are highs and lows. It is dark out there. It could be darker. I'm glad it is not. 

A Reason to Smile

                                     A Reason To Smile

        Anoka Historical Society called, they asked us for our Corvid Story, Kyle's coming in in an hour to work with me on it. If I couldn't write this without crying how on Earth will we do a video? Kyle's talented. He will find a way. 

International news was alarming. We talked about it. In February we adjusted the schedule so part time staff with family members who are high risk were taken off the schedule. I thought about my days working in medical settings, about fifteen years ago. MRSA, Norwalk Virus. What did we do to keep our patients safe? Bleaching surfaces. Washing frequently touched surfaces. Hand washing and do not touch your face! All the lessons flooded back. With my handy bleach bucket I scrubbed down shelves, handles, railings, countertops, doors; knowing this would become a new regular routine. 

Mark created a Whistler order page and set up an ongoing case sale for Whistler sodas to encourage people to maintain quarantine and minimize interaction for safety. We started getting phone calls, emails and facebook messages for our “online” orders, packing boxes and writing messages of humor, inspiration and gratitude on the boxes. You are a reason to smile. Thank you. Every Blue Sun staff took a marker and got to write or draw on boxes to send out to the folks at home. 

Not the most artistic box, for that either Kyle or Neal's boxes were the best.

Each time the news got scarier, Mark came to me. “How are we doing? How do you feel about this?”

I looked at him each time. “I want to stay open. We are essential.” We are classified as a Grocery Store, so yes, we are essential. He always asked. Was I scared? Hell yes, but I’ve never let fear rule my life. What we do is important. I got home every night for the first few weeks of quarantine and took long hot showers to destress and wash the fear of exposure away. 

But there’s a more important reason we are essential. We are peace of mind, stress reduction, and sweet, sweet soda. In times of stress, one of the most important things a person can have is a reason to smile. As stupid as I may sound, think of the darkest, worst times in your life- what turned those moments around or made them easier to deal with? 

When my Grandfather died, it was Birch beer. He was with me when I drank it. Still is. Birch beer is a hug and a smile from one of the kindest human beings who walked this planet. I know how crucial it is during turmoil to have comfort.

We stayed open. Cleaning. Encouraging sales through phone and internet. Writing messages on boxes. Between online orders there were hours of fifties music and quiet aisles. What could I do to make things better? I spent years telling stories and painting with children. I got out the paints. Started painting in the store. Redid the mural in the Jungle bathroom. Painted an outer space mural in the arcade. Mark said “Keep going!” I painted blinking back tears, thinking of our families out there. Missing the kids and regulars. Hoping everyone is okay. 

A Blue Sun & Super Hero Girl in Space

Mark came up with the idea for Easter. Easter baskets with soda and candy. Several young patrons gave me feedback on the prototype baskets. Mark listened and got eggs with toys inside and little stuffed animals. We thought we would get orders for about 20 of them. We got orders for over 150. I frantically reached out to our part time staff; they were delighted to get to come to work. It felt so good to have them back in the store, to hear their voices as they made jokes. We literally got to be the Easter Bunny, and it was an honor! It was fantastic to see the delight of customers picking up their baskets. Ted, Kyle, Ken, William and Dru adjusted their schedules to make the magic happen. 

Prototype Baskets

It’s a different world today than it was a few months ago. We encourage social distancing, wearing masks in public, and we are even more mindful of cleanliness. We’ve remodeled the soda fountain area with a fresh "new" oldies look. We have cool new murals, and we’ve labelled sodas based on sweeteners to make things easier  for customers. Our customers give us a reason to strive, you inspire us. 

Neal makes fill in faces, Brantley was the first I saw come back!

Today, Julia came in and gave me masks for our employees. Curt brought us 3 D printed pieces that make masks more comfortable to wear. There’s someone at least once a day who comes by just to pick up a soda and connect for a couple of minutes with a joke or story. We share, from six feet away. Our days are mutually better because we have those essential moments. What we do is important. How we do it is important. Our Blue Sun Family is amazing, we’re making it through this together and we’re doing it with a smile, sense of humor and soda. 

       Micaela, working on her degree in Graphic Design did a photo shoot with Whistler. We are planning to make a display with an attribution to show of her skill! Billy is plotting posters and stickers. Kyle is working on the video project. We support the growth of our employees by letting them shine, giving them the chance to share their talents and skills with you. We encourage them to follow their dreams, knowing part of their dream is the same as ours and that's why they choose to be part of Blue Sun. 

Angela R. Hunt, Manager Blue Sun Soda Shop, Author & Storyteller

Perspective: How do you do?

I spent over twelve years traveling the country. Sometimes living in tents, sometimes staying at friend's homes. All different environments, temporary communities coming together to do festivals before tearing down to head to the next show. Two springs, two summers, two falls. I spent a lot of time hiking and exploring the places I went. 

I learned important lessons. Sometimes over and over. Everyone is responsible for their own choices. A friend can be a friend and make bad choices. I watched it time after time, show after show. Does it mean turn your head and ignore the problems caused by their behavior? Does it mean accept them slacking off or doing what they choose instead of what is expected from them? No. At the beginning of the day, at the end of the day: it comes down to doing the job right. A friend who takes advantage of friendship isn't really acting as a friend. I watched businesses lose events because the owners let friends take advantage of them and misrepresent their companies. 

Sometimes you have to sit down and really look at what the costs are to the choices you make. The costs to you and to the folks you call friends.

 Are you making choices to move forward? Are you representing yourself well? How do you represent the business you own or work for? How do you treat friends, employees, coworkers, customers, employers? 

How do you treat yourself? It starts with this question. Do you take care of your health? Do you have goals you are working toward? Are you just passing time, what are you waiting for? Do you leave everything for someone else to handle, do you feel your entitled to like some mythical Princess? Why? Where does that get you? Do you spend time generating excuses or solutions? Does your time go to social media or does it go into you? 

I don't want to hear gossip, I don't want my time or attention wasted on the dramas in other people's lives. I'd rather see cat pictures and memes and focus on my life than gawk at social media arguments. 

What mental landscape do you tend for yourself? How do you maintain yourself? How do you invest yourself and your time?

Periodically, it's good to pause and assess: where are you and how are you? I hope it's good! 

I've got my feet on the ground. I have a place, an amazing significant other who is building a future with me, a fantastic workplace where our team works together to make nostalgia real. 

I hope your introspective is positive, that you've lost the need for excuses and blame. I hope you choose to make healthy choices. 

Letting Go

I learned teaching archery the hardest thing for people to learn was letting go. I could tell them over and over "let go of the string" and they'd look at me with a desperate expression while they opened some of their fingers, usually dropping the arrow and still managed to grip the string. The arrow can't fly if you don't let go. The string even pulls against your fingers, which should hint at the natural action of opening your hand. Somehow it doesn't.
I tried different tactics but still that letting go got in the way of success. 
It was a wise old friend who explained the problem was the words. Letting go is hard to do, we try to get those things back or we aren't sure. Releasing isn't hard, it's what you do when it's something we weren't meant to keep- or it would be ridiculous to keep. We don't let go of the bee in our house, we release it out a window.
I started using that word in my lessons and people stopped holding the string. They were successful, with less anxiety and effort. They had fun without difficulty, not realizing how challenging that pesky string could be.
When you try to let go of things, do you end up gripping them tighter? Letting go of baggage and trauma, just brings those bags back in a landslide of weight. Acknowledging and releasing them lessens emotional impact and allows you to move forward.
You can create new healthy expectations, allow stability and growth by releasing yourself from the stuck spots and feelings. You don't have to remember everything. You don't have to relive it. You can choose your focus, your direction, who you want to be and how you want to be treated.
Walking in circles in your head trying to find the right spot to unravel the pain from the past only keeps you living the wound and sinking back into the mindset and perceptions that were there when you were wounded. A broken hand doesn't heal by having the same trauma over and over, or by having the injury ignored.
May you release what's been holding you back and allow yourself to grow.