Oh God She Said Inventory Season!

     Inventory, the season of reconciliation. At work in the last six months we have changed procedure and the app we use to do inventory several times which meant count again. Confirm counts. It seemed like every week we were doing the counts again endlessly. Some of the items we had the stock memorized on by the fifth go around. Why is it important: if you don't know what you've got how do you know when you need more or when you've got more than enough and can use your budget for other things? 

    In life it is important to take inventory as well, on your progress toward professional and personal objectives. Where are you at on your path, what tools have you gained or set aside? What changes have you made toward your future plans from the experiences you live every day? A month ago, I looked around and realized I was so busy counting bottles I hadn't checked in on myself in a while.

    I took a step outside of myself, set aside excuses and bullshit; took a good look. How did I feel? What did I want? Who was I choosing to be close to? Who was supportive? Who was detrimental? What barriers to success in my heart, work, and home? 

    I took a good look, my head kept spiking with pain on the left side. I didn't know then I was in need of a root canal and that pain was from a dental procedure that should have been done by the Dentist but he handed his work of to his employees. If you are going to hand off work: make sure the person you are handing it off to addresses it properly and professionally. I hurt most days, and by the end of the day it was rough. I came home compromising with someone who claimed to love me, but not find me attractive or even really want to look at me for conversation. He sought dramas and dumpster fires to inventory every day, throwing other people's lives at me without asking them or me how we felt about such information being shared. I really just wanted to come home and relax but my coffee cup was in the wrong spot (the world is ending!) After coming home from the ER, having gotten a ride from a friend, the comment I got from the peanut gallery was "ran up a big bill for nothing." Not are you okay, not sorry I didn't sober up to pick you up, or sorry I wasn't there for you, not even a hug. 

    It got me taking that inventory on my life. How had I ended up with someone expressing hostility and criticism without even a smile, encouragement or any interest in me? I felt like I was a teenager in my parents house. Nope. Been there, done that, can I pack up your stuff and show you the door? This time I stood up for myself. I claimed my space, my life, my future. Peter Pan is a cool character in a fairy tale, in real life a Peter Pan is not a lover or soul mate, they always put themselves first and love to throw chaos at you to keep you off balance. The warning signs were there at the beginning, every time he told a life story and I went to share one he cut me off with 'we don't need to brag' then back into another story. Funny thing is, after a few years, most folks run out of interesting stories. Mine got bottled up. Tighter and tighter. When a Storyteller goes silent, that is when you should be concerned. Is he a bad guy or terrible person? No, his life and his decisions are his responsibility. Were we a healthy couple? No. I tried communication and compromise. He used ultimatums and all or nothing statements. His way was the only right way. I disagreed. I wish him a fantastic future, good health and success. His path is not mine. I hope we both learned some lessons that make the future easier. I am not perfect by any means. He wasn't the first to complain that I was remote. By that point I was in my mental inventory weighing him against the past lessons and mistakes I made. Unfairly, or fairly; I weighed his emotional lack of attachment versus my friends and peers. How do others treat me? Why such a marked difference: allegedly I am an inconsiderate, demanding, disorganized, unattractive asshole at home: even possibly the ultimate evil in the whole universe (insert maniacal laugh here) but a considerate, outgoing, motivated, connected and somewhat disorganized person at work? I wasn't changing personality or demeanor or language or body language. I was using a flawed mirror. What he saw when I walked in the door was all the traits in himself that made him feel negative.  What I was seeing in the people I interacted with everywhere else: that was a real mirror. Don't fret at the shape you look in a funhouse mirror: it is a funhouse mirror.

    I held the door open for my future, packed his boxes and moved them to the hallway as he picked them up to move on. I am enjoying my time with me. Getting back to just being me. Not coming home to someone trying to convince me I need them when I've handled life on my own all my life. Hell, I started working when I was 12. Reconnecting with the friends and people I really care about, staying connected. Addressing my health, working on my future and taking that long deep look into me and saying 'What am I so afraid of that I'd settle for a bad, loveless relationship instead of facing and stepping forward in my life?' I have reached a point where I love my friends, they've taught me to set a high bar. This time, it was that awareness that made a difference. Funny thing is, a lot of times you know what you want but you don't always have the words to ask but when the time is right, even if it takes twenty years, words won't be needed. 

  I share the big, ugly lessons I face down and wrestle with because I know I am not the only one. I know that sometimes what makes a difference for someone going through a rough time is reading or hearing that they are not alone and it is okay to put yourself, your wellbeing and future first. It doesn't make you broken, bad, stupid to make mistakes. Stupid is when we excuse or avoid them instead of learning from them. Break a glass on the floor, pretend it's not broken: someone will get cut. Avoid that broken glass, again sooner or later it'll be in your path. Get a broom and sweep it up. Takes a few seconds. Solves a lot of problems and prevents unnecessary pain. 

I wish you the best as you work on you, your passions, your future: the things that make your eyes light up. I wish you love and peace as you wrestle with your own inner demons and critics. Your future and your life is what you choose it to be. You choose who gets to be a part of it. Choose wisely. 

    

Being is Believing

For years I focused on my weight, wanting to get it down. I exercised. I got frustrated. It just slowly climbed. Emotional stress was bagged and wrapped tightly, always carried. Worries were with me more than my shadow was.
I worried. About money. About my appearance. About work. About making the moments happen. I was driven, but spinning my wheels in tight circles.
When I stopped focusing on these issues and just lived, got up in the morning and focused on tomorrow things started to change.
My voracious appetite dwindled. I began to shrink. My headaches decreased in number. Unhealthy relationships brought back stress, as I sought to offer my partners everything to be the perfect partner. Instead, I faced criticism. Stark. Private. Personal.
I smiled at the world and had to grow or break. The more stress I faced, the more my habits changed. With someone else sniping me, I couldn't afford to do the same. I grew. Stronger, harder, thinner, and brighter.
I quit worrying. Why not look for the bright moments, why not just flow with what life has to offer- good and bad?
Why focus on what other people think, especially the ones with constant complaints spewing out? Why not, upon running into them, offer them positive as other beautiful people had done for me in the past? Why not look where I'm going, look for solutions instead of blame?
I'm at a point of freedom. I need this time for me to solidly be me, to reach a point where I stay true to me, even in the face of love. You can't really love if you give yourself away so much, to be what someone else desires. You become less rather than more, anxiety creeps back in along with insecurities. Their moods and whims try to shape you and unhappiness is not a companion worth having.
Faced with spinning, frustrated and mired down you can keep digging in or you can let go, reach out and find the tools and support- material, emotional, psychological- to take that proverbial baggage and discard it. You can become the person you want you to be. You can care or not. You can dance. You can explore yourself and the many paths ahead of you.
They say, when one door closes, a window opens. I've found that the walls, well, they aren't real. Walk through them. Close your eyes, believe in you, and see what happens when you do.
I stand on stages entertaining a variety of crowds with different shows. I tell stories in the lanes. I connect with fascinating people. Earlier this year, I faced a crowd of over a hundred and forty people day after day; there was a rush as I turned on the microphone and the words carried us all to other places, away from the Texas heat.
I believed I could. They believed. I did.
You are free to believe in what you choose, but choose wisely. Believing you have limitations is a brick wall that you make in your own path. The only person it stops is you, and the worst part, is that wall is not real.
See you on the other side.

Pay Attention to the Fine Print

Excited, he opened the package of theatrical lenses. Pulled out the contacts. The petite folded instructions and warning fell like a discarded dirty napkin on the counter. "So I can just use water to put these in?"
I stared at the fine print trying hard not to be noticed on the counter.
Thirty years of wearing prescription lenses kicked in.
First. You wash your hands. He opened his mouth. My eyebrows went up. The edge of a razor sharp scowl threatened. He scooted. "With soap." He nodded.
He came back and presented hands. His mother never saw hands that clean.
Second. Never water. Saline is not water. Verbally reviewed the fine print. His eyes glazed. Paraphrased. Showed him the bottle of solution I carry and shared because lenses are daily for me.
Taught him how to put them in. Let him know about eye irritation and when you had best take them out. From experience.

Thought about the encounter.
How frequently people offer us the fine print we need to move forward but we glaze or hear the tone instead of the message or a defense mechanism dismisses it.
Fine print should be block capital large print, neon flashing red. Not quiet and tucked on the back page where the lawyer or the car dealer or the loan officer winked as they showed it to you dismissively. That's there for someone else or you know, legal purposes, har har wink wink.
Sadly, those little words could save us a lot of hurt. They could, prevent injury, frustration, misunderstanding. They are there as a shield and a ladder- but go ahead and recklessly race into and up the side of that precarious brick wall without checking to see if the mortar is good. Perhaps the seventh or eighth time look for someone to blame.
The little words in fine print softly say "I tried to tell you." Sadly say, "Will you listen now?"  How many nudges and repeated suggestions do you need from good friends and well meaning strangers? Out of curiosity, have you ever read the fine print on household chemicals?
The next time you step into a mire or an unfamiliar situation check: do you look for fine print or a knowledgeable source or do you wing it- or worse yet turn to the person next to you who also has no experience or clue?

Seeing the Forest and the Trees

Seeing the forest or seeing the trees, can you do both consciously?
It seems like a trite little phrase until you live it. Standing on stage working through material, watching and gauging audience response with mental analyses and adjustments whirling at thought speed it is the trees and not the forest you see. You look out and notice someone looking at their phone instead of watching. Why, you wonder. You see a few people join the crowd or leave. Why, you wonder. What can I change to draw more? I want to see their smiles, faces rapt at the stories or antics.
Then you have a moment where you talk to the proverbial tree. Then that one says they only came to catch Pokemon, they are in your audience inattentive and brazen about it. Not everyone comes to a show to be entertained. Not every audience member is there for the same reason. Some just want a place to sit, others may visit briefly to get a taste of multiple shows rather than just picking one.
When you look at the trees, it may help find areas to work on but it may also be setting you up for a bad head game. If you try to put a reason on another person's choice you may not pick wisely. You cannot assume someone is leaving your show or interaction because they are avoiding tipping or are not entertained. You may not be the right fit for them or they may just have wanted a sample- they may have a dozen reasons to leave that have nothing to do with you.
Look at the forest instead.  The crowd that stays or returns. Why? A friend of mine, Geoff Marsh, asks candidly of patrons. It is a hard set of questions: did you see my show, did you like my show, feedback on my show. Not fishing for compliments but open mindedly tuning in to be able to enhance his performance. He is a top notch entertainer because he sees the forest and the trees.
I am asking those questions now too. I am learning to step back out of my head trip of negative self defeating conjecture and into analysis and problem solving.
When I ask for feedback, I am asking so I can improve perspective and keep growing. Whatever your challenges and goals, are you taking time to see the forest and the trees?

What can you change in your perspective to move forward in the positive direction you seek to grow in?

Quit Sugar Coating.

Criticism is a tricky topic. The word itself is critical. Necessary for growth, change, life but not necessarily always wanted or enjoyable. Our perception and behavioral responses can close out helpful social cues and communication. Shut the door, slam the windows, draw the blinds and hide or point at someone else: the "They" that is cast as Villain in your life.
Emotions help us respond to the world and express ourselves. They are a two edged knife capable of energizing and empowering us with passion or paralyzing us with excuses and closing us away from the very feedback we need to grow and change. They daunt us, stress us, drive us, free us, and limit us. They are by nature, contradictory. When faced with a straightforward appraisal of areas we choose to interact with ourselves and others in an unhealthy way, sometimes they keep us from choosing to listen. They like things sugar coated, where one can suck the positive granules away from the constructive feedback and spit out the bitter truth that could have helped us grow. Thanks emotions, real helpful.
A man walked around the outside wall of a city every day. The wall was twelve feet tall. The stone it was hewn from was flat, smooth. There were no hand or footholds for climbing. There was a door, but to open the door one had to listen to the Sage guarding the door. The Sage could see your flaws. The Sage neutrally identified them, as if reading a grocery list. Many grew somber on hearing the recitation, some turning and leaving before the Sage was done with tears streaming down their cheeks like newly formed waterfalls. Others shouted, argued, or tried bribery and misdirection. The Sage was unmoved. Some attacked the Sage, only to find, the wounds they inflicted were to themselves. Some demanded they were perfect and tried brushing past the Sage, only to find themselves further from the city with ever step forward they took.
The man avoided the Sage after he walked away from him the first time they met. He despised the Sage for so casually listing his flaws. He excused his flaws and justified them more with each step he took. The man walked around the city so many times he made a dirt path around the wall. He could define the city. He knew the wall better than he knew the world. Sometimes he talked with people coming and going from the city. They told him to face himself, it would get easier and he would enjoy the sights within the city. The offered him suggestions, he always held steadfast to his excuses and path rather than try new ones.
Years past. One night, the man was cold. The wall was cold. The night was cold. He walked to stay warm. He could see his breath in the moonlight. He saw through the gate behind the Sage the orange flicker of a fire.
He turned, sighed and faced the Sage again. The Sage looked at him, exhaustion in the lines of his face. The man approached again, shoulders low and ego dragging behind him on the ground. The Sage listed his flaws. The man listened. Some were not so bad as he had chosen to see them as being, while others saddened and embarrassed him as they were worse. They talked for several hours in the cold, crisp night.
Finally, the man understood. Burdens released by choice, he stepped into the incredible City. There is a path worn down around the wall. When you walk it, you will run into others there who are stuck as well, circling and circling. Often, the encouragement they offer each other is sugar coated. Easy to digest but of little value for true progress to be made.
The hardest truths to face are the ones within ourselves that impact how we choose to perceive ourselves and shape how we choose to interact with the world. These truths offer us the most daunting but healing changes, sometimes approaching them is like jumping off a cliff; other times it is as terrifying as a walk down a dark city alley. The key seems to be holding onto the truth that in the end, awareness and positive change improve health, decrease depression and anxiety, and we are not alone. The people who care and support us are always just a thought away. Trust yourself, accept yourself, and problem solve. Painting the problem pretty doesn't resolve it, but I suppose it can make it funny if you really want to waste that much time avoiding the actual issue.

Shaping Yourself Whole

Think about your beliefs, judgments, interaction styles. Who shaped them? Are they healthy? Do they ease your journey toward your goals or do they contribute by placing barriers, conflicts and negativity in your path?
Wander back into your childhood memories, good and bad.
"This place better be clean when I get home." The "or else" unspoken but likely a combination of psychological, physical and emotional abuse.
Respond quickly to questions with offers of information and assistance. If no one responds quick enough the negative comes like a thunderstorm.

Often, my childhood was being a mine detector learning tools to defuse emotional mines and suffering the scars of failures.

A lifetime later, I still find the programming of my youth winding around my emotional feet tripping me up and stressing loved ones.

I look forward to the day when my mind and heart finally acknowledge Stand Down.  I look forward to the day that I am not scanning constantly, feeling obliged to calm and prevent the emotional storms of others. I look forward to the day the anxiety gets laid to rest for good. Not buried waiting to rise from the ground like a horror movie monster, gone.

The combat Vets I worked with at the VAMC always asked where I served in combat. I didn't. We didn't talk about it. They nodded. They understood. We each have our scars and demons to fight.

I sit thinking about mental and emotional architecture within each of us. The importance of stability as we address the pillars of who we are and how we interact with the world. The words of others that impact who we become, the sorrow that often the wrong words and voices etch deeper than the healthy ones.

I look at what I need to address. The anxiety has been with me since before I could speak. My words came out a smeared mess of consonants and vowels. I have a strong will and years of practice at preventing it from disabling me. It is past time I confront it fully. I can confront it with the present, with truth, with breathing. In the past, this diminished the influence.

I am allowed to choose whether or not to communicate. Other people are responsible for their actions, choices. My thoughts, feelings, actions and choices are my own to have and make without someone lurking with an emotional or psychological bomb.
If an old trigger gets hit, I can choose to pause. To walk away and let it go rather than fall into a defense pattern.

What old patterns are in your architecture that hold you back? What excuses do you use to shore them up? What motivates you to move forward and shift into healthier ways of thinking and feeling?

No one will ever be perfect. We learn from our mistakes, sometimes, we learn from the mistakes made by those who shaped us. We do not need to choose to hurt ourselves or others now because someone thought it best then.

Insert Catchy Motivational Phrase Here

There are easily a thousand motivational phrases. All right and all wrong. What you need to hear may not make it through the radio static of life. Stress comes and goes like a tide. How we perceive and feel regarding events impacts our well-being.

We learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes.
Last night I stared under the hood of our van staring at the parts. I know some of their names, can monitor fluid levels and jump batteries. I felt frustration well up. I grew up in a mechanic shop. I spent my time spreading sand on oils spills, taping windows for paint jobs, handing tools to my father and the other alcohol sodden mechanics. They were the best babysitters. I behaved for them because I liked the intricate puzzles of metal they labored over. I asked questions until I fully grasped that I wasn't going to get answers. I was a girl. I wasn't supposed to like engines. I wasn't supposed to learn and being a four year old I respected my elders. I feared getting sent to more sitters who yelled, ignored or bullied me. I should have remembered: I ended up at work with my father because the babysitters kept losing me. I hid from them, escaped from them, made a regular mockery of their attempts to supervise me. I still feared being sent to another mind numbing trailer with moronic shows blaring on a cheap television.
If only minds had been open. If only generations of gender roles had not been so strong in that small town. When I got older I worked at a different tree farm. My family wouldn't hire me as "What would people think of we had women on our construction crew?" At the Cooperative, they thought I was a highly skilled, knowledgeable, hard working member of their propagation team. My rooting rates were remarked on. No one blinked at my gender. They did remark on my colorful vocabulary.
My mistake was acquiescence. I grew out of that. Mostly.

I am not comfortable feeling helpless. I am not comfortable feeling like I'm failing. Is anyone really, or do some just put a better mask? My best and worst attributes come out. My demons circle and whisper louder than thunder. It seems like I'm arguing when I'm listening and arguing to get more detail to better equip myself to deal with myself and situations more effectively.

I've been learning. When these situations arise to stop. Focus forward. Problem solve. Think about past lessons. Think about specific friends and situations that remind you to maintain perspective. Find something to ground with, something to work toward.
Who are your supports? Whether they know it or not, take a moment to reach out of your head to check in on friends. Be there in their moment. Give their voices and conversation a chance to work it's magic. There really is nothing like a smile, friendly voice, a gentle hand on your shoulder, or a focused hug.

Many challenges I navigate through are never expressed aloud. Most come from within. It is humbling to realize you are your best support and worst enemy.

This year I had to face the reality that I cared too much for someone who echoed the worst voices in my head. I let their words enhance the destructiveness of my own shadows. I reached a point where I faced myself. I chose to heal. To grow and to listen to the healing, growing, positive voices instead. I chose to invest in myself. If you don't invest in you, if you do not value you, why would others?

I prepared for Shades of Faerie, nervous about my stories and the event. Taylor Grant and Joshua Safford are amazing storytellers. Would My stories be up to muster? Would my character? Preparing for the event, dealing with last minute details the unexpected happened.

I've spent a lifetime mastering flexibility and acceptance. Make do could be my motto. The guy who was going to do video capture couldn't do it. Omar and I were running errands in Tulsa. He broached the idea of picking up equipment and doing video. It would cost us, but it would be an investment. Initially, an investment in my character and career development; also offering us the option of being able to do video work and other projects. Investing in me, investing in him, investing in us.

The show went well. Compliments and performance awards were given to all three of us for the show.

I think about that often. I've been the one investing in me. My great grandmothers, my grandfathers did before they died. Their investments were emotional. This was a financial investment. From the time I got out of sixth grade, I worked. I made my own money. I bought my own clothes, books, toys. I paid my bills and expenses and played every sport well, got top grades. My parents focused on my siblings. They invested in them.

Having someone invest in you gives you a profound feeling if it's something you are not used to.

Who invests in you? What do you acquiese to? Should you?

Each day is a new day, life is challenges and triumphs. Tragedies and comedies in situations and circumstance that chain from second to second. Finding a way to learn from both in part of being human.

What is Best for You

It sounds like an empowering phrase but often it is a hemp rope slipped softly, loosely around your neck that tightens and pulls you off course. What is Best for you according to someone else. Here, step out of the drivers seat in your life and let this person take the wheel. Their words seem logical, plausible, or considerate. Truly empowering people never try to slip behind your steering wheel. They ride along and offer questions, maybe even offer to help navigate the path you've chosen.

Insert a compliment first, twist in a sincere plea for help. Seems alright, seems harmless, seems reasonable. It is easy to get sucked in. Take a step back.

Look at the compliment. Notice the unintend slight. "You should do this because I need you to, because you'll be amazing at it." Somewhere in there is the unspoken or sideways hint, what you're choosing to work toward is not valid and you're better off doing this instead because really in an outside opinion I'm suggesting passively that you should step away from what you value. I'm making it sound reasonable with compliments and couldn't do it without yous. Mutual need is often suggested. You need this. I'm helping you. I want what's best for you. Really?

They mean well, they're looking from a different perspective and different values color their sight. There is good reason they say the road to help is paved with good intentions. 

 Their statements also quietly tell you they feel you should let them make your decisions. Somewhere in the small print they're actually saying your decision making is questionable at best. Be aware. It is very small print. It is heavy. It can be paralyzing.

There are falsehoods in our heads put there through our lives by others. For whatever reason: control of your choices, fear and self interest, punishment for wrongs that could be as simple and huge as being born. They could be put there out of love, desire to see us achieve things they value or to see us avoid the hazards of life. 

Let's get a few things straight. You are not stupid. You are not worthless. You will be able to survive. You are valuable as You are. You are not crazy. Its not a fad or a phase, your choices and feelings are valid. Never let people whirlwind you into their drama. You are not responsible for anyone else.

So many statements are made to you throughout your life without really ever respecting or considering you. Every single one serving some emotional or financial goal of someone who is putting themselves first. There's subjective communication, it's rushed and assumptive. We're in this together, you are included but in reality it's as the willing meal rather than as an equal. It can happen at work, school and even at home. People drop verbal emotional bombs on each other without consideration. Sometimes they detonate at different times, some slowly lurk like mines waiting for the right pressures to set them off.

Honesty is important to me. I strive to be consistent. I said the last couple of years that my goal was to heal the sacred clown. In attempting this improbable goal, I found I had to rise up and determine my value, my goals and what really is important to me. I ended up healing myself and learning that each of us can only truly choose to heal ourselves. No one can truly heal someone else unless that person chooses to heal.

I changed myself. I grew. I found my value, my goals, my passion. I found myself. No one could do that for me. 

When you get multiple well meaning people putting words in your head that sound like their being helpful and encouraging you by discouraging you from pursuing your real path it gets easy to lose your way. It sounds reasonable. Ambiguity hides the truth. Camaraderie insinuates loyalty in a situation that in the end is really just self serving for someone else. Someone motivated enough to press a positive argument of stepping away from your goals for them because it's the nice thing, the safe thing, the best thing for you- besides, they need you and somehow you are suddenly responsible to them?! Parents and friends and partners do this without meaning to at times. 

You have to listen to yourself and attend your needs and goals first. No one else's life or career is your responsibility.
Unless you are a parent. If you are a parent, do one crucial task: teach your child to value themselves. Teach them to look out for themselves and do not try to manipulate them because of your own fears and inadequacies. If you fail at this one thing, they face huge struggles emotionally that they may or may not survive.

In healthy relationships communication is clear, each person takes care of themselves and then reaches out to empower the other. Each person is accountable for their choices. There's no pressure to fit a mold or to pull out some nails and martyr up.

I've known this for years. Taught it. I'm living it now and fully comprehending it. It is wonderful and liberating. Flying not falling. Truly flying, not just riding a draft.

You can tell someone a thousand times they are beautiful or incredible and they cannot grasp it until the day they realize it for themselves. You cannot make them realize it. You can ask them the right questions so they take a good look into themselves. You can hope that when they take that look they notice the mirror they've been using for years is warped. You can hope they finally throw it out, with it all the baggage they've carried for too long. It can go in a moment and all the stick feelings with it- if you choose to be brave.

Me?

I am an actor. I am an entertainer. I am a storyteller I am a writer. I work with words. Some weeks I may be eight to ten different people. I might pull off the role of cooking at a Mexican restaurant, I might be a mascot, might teach you to throw axes or guide you through a meditation. I might be reviewing your performance. I might be on a stage or talking down someone overwhelmed by panic. I keep learning new skills, there will always be new roles. Underneath it all, I am myself. I value the person I am. I value what I do.  The best way I can honor the people I love is by putting myself first; at my strongest I can be a healthy part of their support. At my weakest burdened by prioritizing the agendas of others, I could barely find the time to work on my goals and restlessness distracted me. My health suffered. I value my friends for who they are. 

What words are in your head, pacing back and forth? Who put them there? Why might they have done that? Who do the words serve?

If the words are truly empowering, there is no weight to the words. If the words were offered and you choose to keep them because they free you, strengthen you, and put you first: treasure that person or people! Those are your real supports. Its only taken me 39 years to really figure this all out. If not, realize you do not have to choose to allow that person's words in your head anymore.

I am working toward my goals and dreams. I found them. Its amazing how they suddenly exist when you take care of yourself. It feels wonderful. Problems get solved. You'd think there would be a lot of emotional rubble to clean up, but it vanishes as the sun inside you rises.

I hope to see the sun in you rise as well. I hope you choose to respect the people you love. The choice is yours. Be kind to each other, consider your words and intentions before you pour them into someone else's head. And be kind to those who with good intentions might have questioned your path, help them find their way back to themselves and their value. Most likely someone shook them off their path and they've followed through by passing on the cultural what is best for you. 

Life is too Short, Religion as an Excuse for Bias is Absurd

I look outside and see a beautiful world. I do not see the churned up anxiety and jagged edged fears of my friends and neighbors yet those internal emotions and perceptions shape their worlds. If you are looking for me to ridicule religions, I am not. I could but why? The idea is to open minds NOT close them. Religions were created with the intent of bringing people together and keeping society from chaos and abhorrent behaviors. I respect that. Believe what you will, none should be looked down on for their choice. Every religion has embarrassing subgroups from ISIS to Evangelical Baptists; it is important not to generalize, stereotype or belittle someone because they align with a specific belief system.

A beautiful day goes by as we struggle to relate to each other and deal with interpersonal issues, most caused by miscommunication, misunderstanding, perspective differences, or old trauma to vast and marring to permanently escape from. The birds sing, the wind carries tree branches in a merry dance and the stars shine on. We could be a foot away from someone struggling with depression, anxiety or other medical issues. We could be staring at the daisies, marveling at the beauty in this world while they only feel like they have consumed nightshade and are struggling to survive. We worry more about religious fanatics than we do our friends and neighbor's mental and emotional health. Priorities people. ONLY when every choice we make is beyond reproach and respectful of human and world could we start making that judgment call- but someone at that level would never choose to stoop that low unless it was to pick up trash from a beach.

It is hard to bear the burdens some carry in their minds. There is no clear stop to put the baggage down. While we make fun of primitive cultures, they had a better understanding of us as we are. They understood we need rituals, we need symbols, we thrive on coincidence and associations that seem personal to us. Those associations such as with certain animals or seasons give us comfort and encourage us to grow. Without them we become just another number trying to stand out through standardized generic social media, clothing, and haircuts. Look unique just like everyone else…
Yet no one complains that daisies look the same, most smile to see their lovely petals; rarely does someone say "ugh, another plain daisy." Rituals allow us to symbolically let go and grow, they turn scars into symbols of courage. Religions know this and use rituals.

Perhaps instead of telling each other what to believe we should choose to create a "Church" THAT SPECIFIES believing in anything or nothing and respecting the right of everyone to believe and worship as they choose so long as no one is harmed or killed…

Wait, the major religions are constantly arguing as if they were spandex wearing wrestlers.  IT should not be about right or wrong, all religions were created by people just as human as we are. It should be about being connected, finding and keeping peace and health. It shouldn't be about good or bad as they are arbitrary constructs.

Spiritual beliefs are personal, they should be respected regardless of whether one is following Allah, Jesus, Buddha, Cthulu, or the Great Spaghetti Monster in the Sky. Any tithing should go to charities of your choice from the homeless on the corner to saving abused animals, to environmental clean up to doing a potluck with your neighbors. There should be no church buildings, as one should deal with the world and each other in accordance with their beliefs regardless. There is no hypocritical forgiveness card to punch on sunday so you can do something wrong again monday. Instead you are connected and respectful, helping where you can-when you have excess and the need is out there for something you can offer. Perhaps it is picking up litter or helping a lost child find their parent, perhaps it is helping a neighbor with a bill or giving nutritious food to those without.

Instead of approaching from what you can't do and assuming you are flawed perhaps we start as neutral and allow our choices and outcomes to determine where we are at. We choose. Positive and negative repercussions come from our choices, Karma and social law. Teach children values without bias based on another's beliefs, culture, color, gender, or income. No war should be considered holy. No murder or manipulation is justified by religion. No religion should be justified by murder or manipulation.

If you find peace following the tenets of being a Jedi, then do it just don't bang on the neighbor's door and suggest there is something deficient in them because they don't. It comes down to respect. The world was not created for us to trash like giant toddlers. It is. It was. It will be. It is up to us to choose our own paths, to live and appreciate what we have. We have the hours, minutes, seconds between screaming and squalling as we are born until the moment our last breath slips free.

In life we have the choice to get out of our own heads, to fight past our dark inner demons and fallacies to become something more. The ancient alchemists never sought gold. They were considered heretics by all Churches. They wanted to find a way to take what we are as humans, and make it into something more.

Red Rock Lake, Colorado

Perhaps we started as something more and through all the perceived emotional and physical trauma we carry, we end up being something less. Perhaps the key is letting go, accepting, and choosing to heal. Negative tends to be overwhelming, it isn't easy to learn to step out of it. Emotions are strong and painful, like trying to learn algebra while an elephant crushes your foot. Sometimes you have to heal as best you can afterwards and choose to plan to try to avoid or accept painful situations will come and that the most you can do is prepare and perhaps live to tell the tale.


So, today is a beautiful day and I wonder what you are choosing to do with it? You could be guiding someone out of a dangerous place in their own head. You could be resting in a natural hot spring or splashing in a pool or rescuing a lost pet. Each day is time slipping past you that you will never get back. What shapes the landscape in your mind, what monsters do you allow to maim your growth and relations? Why?

ValleyView Hot Springs, Colorado

Finding Peace : combining years of working in mental health with storytelling to offer tools for positive growth and change.

https://leanpub.com/guidedmeditationsandothertoolstoreleasenegativestressandemotionaltrauma