There's More to a Book than it's Cover, there's more to a Person than what you see on the Surface

It's a good question, we get caught up in the Now so much we forget where we've come from until we hear someone say "you don't have real world work experience or management experience." 

You stand there shocked silent. Memories flood your brain, because you know how inaccurate this statement is:

You remember working in hospitals, nursing homes as Case Manager, Social Work Director, Social Worker. Your job was literally managing the lives of others, from walking them through legal issues, medicaid applications and appeals, advocating for them, teaching life and emotions management skills for healthy living. You volunteered as an EMT, coordinated fundraising events. You created your own Murder Mystery Company, trained your actors, choreographed, scripted, designed and printed all the media and wrote the contracts. 

Your second year on the road, 2007, you became a Manager for a soda and gaming company. Hired specifically to overhaul the games for fairness, restructure so customer satisfaction and employee performance and retention improved. That employer trusted your judgement, the second year working for him, he followed your recommendation and decreased crew size by over half, hiring quality managers who selected strong employees and paid everyone higher. And the issues the company had constantly struggled with in the past? Gone. Sales went up. Customer satisfaction went up. Trustworthy employees sought work with us. I worked with that company when I had openings in my schedule through 2016, and I also was asked to design more games and entertainment for patrons to be drawn to the business to watch or participate in while they got their refreshments.Those were equally successful. Piper's Pub wasn't a nickel and dime business. In a weekend we could easily do asuch business as a brick and mortar store in a month, so long as we did it right. 

I managed for Bows of the Risen Son, teaching archery and selling bows at events around the Country for a fantastic Boyer from 2008 through 2018, as my schedule allowed. I researched more events and venues for sales opportunities. 

I managed a walking stick and metal carving business for Staffs by Gust, a clothing and costume rental booth where the Owner hired me because she needed a strong Manager who would run her business with integrity, because she admitted she could not. I changed the displays based on networking with peers who had worked with clothing. I posted prices clearly. Created sets with prices marked. Hired two excellent employees with different skill sets, and the three of us took the average day from 2k to 6-8 K. 

Stage and street entertaining, also not a walk in the Park. Design your own website, negotiate contracts, do public promotional appearances, merchandising. 

To work at special events you have to be adept with social media, Microsoft programs, Google programs, Mac programs, spreadsheets, invoices, inventory, shipping and receiving. You have to be flexible and resourceful, withstand weather conditions with a smile, know how to interact with large crowds and sometimes say the same thing over and over with a smile, like it isn't the thousandth time you've said it that hour. 

You located week work painting handmade wooden shields, painting sometimes 30+ in a day, you handmade flower garlands. 

You spent seven years, sometimes working full time reviewing college admissions teams on their performance on contract by their executives. Evaluating their presentation, looking for issues within the locations, doing written reports and audio recordings for their employers. Estimating travel expenses, tracking expenses and turning in receipts, invoicing and creating the fictional characters you portrayed well enough to do neutral evaluations. Being over 400 people in 7 years. Being identified as the top ranked college reviewed in the US. 

You stepped into Management at the Castle of Muskogee. You worked 70 hours a week. You painted shops, repaired holes in roofs. You set up displays, researched product lines, set KPIs with the owner and reviewed them weekly during events, you handled all the ordering, receiving, inventory, hiring, training, every aspect of running six distinct businesses. You handled their online sales and created an inventory database. You organized their warehouses. You created a new shop in five days before opening weekend, and it turned a profit in its first season. 

You moved on to Blue Sun Soda Shop. You created a team of employees who were soda specialists, describing the flavors rather than "good or bad." You did the hiring, training, signage, handled all special events, tours, ran a 1950s soda fountain, managed the retail floor, in store distribution, warehouse and when the company switched their inventory program you created the database for the new one. You worked with Shopventory's IT team to help them create programming to allow batching to turn single items into cases or packs and vice versa. Because the program didn't have that function and the store needed it. You handled internet issues. Troubleshooting with Square, even handled the whole system crashing Labor Day weekend with a level head. 

During COVID you created a safe, soothing environment, and continued to make sales and seek out customers. You made sound business recommendations to the Owner, that heeding them, increased distribution, put a solid employee in as head of distribution, and the Store grew into a multilocation chain. Your redesigned tours won best tour in the state 2021, you listened to customers and the Lead Bottler when you redesigned it. Your team and store won Bronze in Best Family Fun Attraction in MN Best 2021: and you were a retail store that beat out every theme park and special event venues, coming in after two excellent Zoos. 

You have years of experience in Management. You have years of experience in Customer Service. You have years of experience problem solving and networking, resolving challenges and overcoming difficult situations. 

And you realize, this person you're talking to doesn't understand or realize any of that. They don't know that you once had a guy stand on your shoulders and held a piece of plywood up so he could screw a wall in place. He doesn't realize you spent weeks digging ditches for drainage and lining them with rocks your crew hauled, coordinating them and keeping morale up. 

He doesn't realize you had to watch costs and set prices. You had to research and learn every product and product line. You had to become an expert at fireworks, soda, candy, entertainment, college admissions, social work, discharge planning, medical treatment and end of life care, emergency situations, conflict resolution, budgeting, scheduling, evaluating performance, hiring, archery, survival, sword fighting, axe throwing, staff carving, trauma counseling, floral arrangements, graphic and website design, and all the various computer programs. 

Because all they see is the happy go lucky tour guide/artist, and the assumptions drown out the reality of all the real, hard work and achievements. 

And if all you see is a happy go lucky guide, working as a Guide, it means I've done my job so well that you've missed that there's more to this Storyteller than just a handful of stories. 

Take Care of You First

Altruism is fantastic, in real life it is rare. This has been a year of hard lessons, apparently I hadn't learned them well enough so they came back bigger. Don't ever let anyone convince you that you are responsible for their life and wellbeing while they refuse to attend to their own wellness or even identify goals. Do not accept the people closest to you gaslighting or abusing you. Emotional, financial and psychological abuse are just as real and painful as physical abuse. And regardless of a pandemic, if someone is doing that: do not let the door kick them in the ass on the way out. They are not your responsibility. You do not have to live with someone insulting and belittling you while you work to pay the bills of two people. 

Be careful who you put on a lease. I got stuck with that problem because I offered a place for a guy to put his life back together after he left an abusive relationship. Only, it takes two to tango and he did not deal with or address his own abusive behaviors. It cost my savings to get him to leave in May, after the first trip to the ER. When he made it transparent that he had zero empathy or consideration. While I was working and balancing a budget to pay my medical bills, he was buying guitars he doesn't know how to play. 

The pain got worse and worse. It really started three years ago in Oklahoma, after several large boards fell and hit my head. I'll condense this part: three years of pain that became an avalanche by the time the right doctors and tests got involved. Three years of the damage quietly getting more severe, and pain I couldn't escape. 

Take care of you first: do not accept jobs for employers who do not invest in their employees or their companies. If they dislike the customers, if they smile about being obnoxious to employees, if they ignore their own business, yet put more and more of the hats to run that business on your head; step back. Are the pay and benefits competitive, considering the work you are doing? Are you being recognized as the person doing them? 

I worked so hard to keep Blue Sun open throughout the pandemic, without recognition, without a raise, without hazard pay, without any acknowledgement. My work made it possible for the company to keep it's doors open and expand to three locations. I encouraged the owner to purchase a local soda distribution company that wanted to sell. He wasn't overly interested, but I could see the potential. He purchased it. He was able to hire a two person full time team to handle the newly expanded Distribution. There was no reward, no recognition, no financial incentive in any of this for me, the General Manager. The owner smiled as revenue went up. It impacted his wallet. I argued for competitive wages. I could see that my arguments irritated the owner. I could not get the staff I needed at the pay offered, to do all the tasks that needed doing. I was having to go to food banks for groceries as a store manager, that is how far from competitive my wages were. I grew a company, the company won rewards and recognition based on training and events I created and implemented, but my name might as well be written on water. You can see the murals I painted. You can drink flavors I designed or assisted in designing, but there was no recognition of my value. The day after the Doctor benched me due to the severity of nerve inflammation in my spinal canal, they already had my staff picture off the wall. That was my thanks. 

The surgery went well, the instructions were "do not lift more than seven pounds" for three months after surgery. But I am not wealthy. I had years of underpaying jobs and optimistic choices, hoping for the best but reality was far from it. Ever trying to build a stable future, to invest my energy into a business I can grow with that offers incentives and competitive pay. I'd like to be given credit for the accomplishments I have made. Recovering from surgery, when there is something over seven pounds, there is no help around. Or when you need it moved is when someone says "When you need that moved, let me know." And you say, "yeah, now." And they're already gone, so you move what you aren't supposed to. 

When you can't afford rent, so you relocate where rent is half of what it is in Minnesota but there are hurdles. The last renter trashed the apartment. Several friends offered places to stay to recover, but there was a price tag that was too steep. They weren't offering out of altruism, they were offering because they wanted intervention on issues they had allowed to build in themselves and their environments and they wanted me there to set their lives right. A free live in Psychologist, but that is not what I need. I don't need to take care of other people's wellbeing. I need to take care of my own. To heal from surgery. To research and secure employment for a company that is supportive and healthy to work for, I am worth investing in and I am tired of investing myself in companies that do not deserve that investment; I weave gold from straw, in the past being recompensed with whatever low wage they could get away with. I hit fifteen an hour the start of my second year Managing Blue Sun: and that was more than a managing position, it was also warehouse managing, ordering, staffing, online sales and promotions, special events, retail sales, scheduling; it was everything. For Fifteen. I am worth more than that. 

My resolution for 2022 is to take care of me. To evaluate life and career decisions: to make sure I am taking care of myself, as I can't be healthy or be there fully for any career or relationship unless I value myself highly enough not to allow situations like the one I am in to develop. I can run seven small businesses at the same time and rotate them seasonally. I can grow a small business into a chain, even during a pandemic. I am capable of a lot more than that, and I would rather not devote that energy to businesses that do not deserve that level of investment or service. 

For 2022 my goals are to secure employment for a company I am proud to invest my energy in and grow with, to be selective in who my supports are and to keep addressing my wellbeing. Not carrying the baggage of the past, but using the lessons of the past to prevent repeating the same mistakes. Taking things one day at a time, to build the future I have always wanted. 

Take care of You First, if you do not; no one else will; life is not a war, and bad jobs, bad relationships: do not invest in them. It is healthy to walk away, learn your lessons, heal and grow. 

Oh God She Said Inventory Season!

     Inventory, the season of reconciliation. At work in the last six months we have changed procedure and the app we use to do inventory several times which meant count again. Confirm counts. It seemed like every week we were doing the counts again endlessly. Some of the items we had the stock memorized on by the fifth go around. Why is it important: if you don't know what you've got how do you know when you need more or when you've got more than enough and can use your budget for other things? 

    In life it is important to take inventory as well, on your progress toward professional and personal objectives. Where are you at on your path, what tools have you gained or set aside? What changes have you made toward your future plans from the experiences you live every day? A month ago, I looked around and realized I was so busy counting bottles I hadn't checked in on myself in a while.

    I took a step outside of myself, set aside excuses and bullshit; took a good look. How did I feel? What did I want? Who was I choosing to be close to? Who was supportive? Who was detrimental? What barriers to success in my heart, work, and home? 

    I took a good look, my head kept spiking with pain on the left side. I didn't know then I was in need of a root canal and that pain was from a dental procedure that should have been done by the Dentist but he handed his work of to his employees. If you are going to hand off work: make sure the person you are handing it off to addresses it properly and professionally. I hurt most days, and by the end of the day it was rough. I came home compromising with someone who claimed to love me, but not find me attractive or even really want to look at me for conversation. He sought dramas and dumpster fires to inventory every day, throwing other people's lives at me without asking them or me how we felt about such information being shared. I really just wanted to come home and relax but my coffee cup was in the wrong spot (the world is ending!) After coming home from the ER, having gotten a ride from a friend, the comment I got from the peanut gallery was "ran up a big bill for nothing." Not are you okay, not sorry I didn't sober up to pick you up, or sorry I wasn't there for you, not even a hug. 

    It got me taking that inventory on my life. How had I ended up with someone expressing hostility and criticism without even a smile, encouragement or any interest in me? I felt like I was a teenager in my parents house. Nope. Been there, done that, can I pack up your stuff and show you the door? This time I stood up for myself. I claimed my space, my life, my future. Peter Pan is a cool character in a fairy tale, in real life a Peter Pan is not a lover or soul mate, they always put themselves first and love to throw chaos at you to keep you off balance. The warning signs were there at the beginning, every time he told a life story and I went to share one he cut me off with 'we don't need to brag' then back into another story. Funny thing is, after a few years, most folks run out of interesting stories. Mine got bottled up. Tighter and tighter. When a Storyteller goes silent, that is when you should be concerned. Is he a bad guy or terrible person? No, his life and his decisions are his responsibility. Were we a healthy couple? No. I tried communication and compromise. He used ultimatums and all or nothing statements. His way was the only right way. I disagreed. I wish him a fantastic future, good health and success. His path is not mine. I hope we both learned some lessons that make the future easier. I am not perfect by any means. He wasn't the first to complain that I was remote. By that point I was in my mental inventory weighing him against the past lessons and mistakes I made. Unfairly, or fairly; I weighed his emotional lack of attachment versus my friends and peers. How do others treat me? Why such a marked difference: allegedly I am an inconsiderate, demanding, disorganized, unattractive asshole at home: even possibly the ultimate evil in the whole universe (insert maniacal laugh here) but a considerate, outgoing, motivated, connected and somewhat disorganized person at work? I wasn't changing personality or demeanor or language or body language. I was using a flawed mirror. What he saw when I walked in the door was all the traits in himself that made him feel negative.  What I was seeing in the people I interacted with everywhere else: that was a real mirror. Don't fret at the shape you look in a funhouse mirror: it is a funhouse mirror.

    I held the door open for my future, packed his boxes and moved them to the hallway as he picked them up to move on. I am enjoying my time with me. Getting back to just being me. Not coming home to someone trying to convince me I need them when I've handled life on my own all my life. Hell, I started working when I was 12. Reconnecting with the friends and people I really care about, staying connected. Addressing my health, working on my future and taking that long deep look into me and saying 'What am I so afraid of that I'd settle for a bad, loveless relationship instead of facing and stepping forward in my life?' I have reached a point where I love my friends, they've taught me to set a high bar. This time, it was that awareness that made a difference. Funny thing is, a lot of times you know what you want but you don't always have the words to ask but when the time is right, even if it takes twenty years, words won't be needed. 

  I share the big, ugly lessons I face down and wrestle with because I know I am not the only one. I know that sometimes what makes a difference for someone going through a rough time is reading or hearing that they are not alone and it is okay to put yourself, your wellbeing and future first. It doesn't make you broken, bad, stupid to make mistakes. Stupid is when we excuse or avoid them instead of learning from them. Break a glass on the floor, pretend it's not broken: someone will get cut. Avoid that broken glass, again sooner or later it'll be in your path. Get a broom and sweep it up. Takes a few seconds. Solves a lot of problems and prevents unnecessary pain. 

I wish you the best as you work on you, your passions, your future: the things that make your eyes light up. I wish you love and peace as you wrestle with your own inner demons and critics. Your future and your life is what you choose it to be. You choose who gets to be a part of it. Choose wisely. 

    

Apocalypse Bingo: 2020 in Hindsight

It has been a long year, it feels like 30 months rather than ten months have trudged by. If you had asked me twenty questions predicting the year I would not have remotely come close to anything that has happened. 

Words vanish as I try to write, to put feelings and thoughts where I can see them or even begin to address them. From a distance I have read about the passing of loved ones, family members of loved ones, illnesses, surgeries, emotional struggles, isolation, and frustration. I've been lucky that at the darkest times lived ones and friends have shared inspiring stories, connections and successes in the face of stress and uncertainty. The right customers have come in at the right time with the right words, unknowing of how important they are and how motivating they are. 

In the face of things, I work for a small business that has had to adapt to many changes because of Covid. We have worked hard and stayed careful so that we keep our staff, their families and the sodas we bottle safe. I am not a Nurse or Doctor, but I am one of the people who gives you a safe place to go to get away from it all for a brief time, and hopefully gets to make you smile. 

I've worked through the pandemic. Packing curbside pick ups, washing basket handles, regularly washing frequently touched surfaces, enforcing curbside service or properly worn masks in the store. Working with an amazing lady, Gretchen, who gives us her homemade cloth masks to give to everyone. 

So many feelings, thoughts and experiences. Dealing with rude, childish behaviors and tantrums from people who want to throw fits rather than be considerate, less each week but they still happen. Folks wrapped up in denial, who haven't seen the giant list of friends posting, heart broken by Covid deaths in their families. They haven't read posts written by friends who've had severe cases and been hospitalized or isolated with symptoms for months. They want to use the stats to downplay the severity and death toll, saying the flu kills people or it's just old people. People is the key word. The minute it's okay for a large amount of people to die for selfish excuses- there is a problem. What if it was young people? If it's not as bad as the flu why are more people dead in less than a year in the US than live in the city of San Bernardino California? Why is it suddenly cool to doubt science?

It's exhausting. Each day you look at that days goals and expectations. Each day you aim for three out of five. 

I find myself more avidly following and reading scientific articles, reading inspiring posts by friends, watching their year through pictures, playing hours of Mario kart just to let go of the static stress that is just from the different challenges the year haas brought. 

I come up with my apocalypse bingo card before the next month. For November: Political unrest, a blizzard, more fires, marshmallow shortage, a volcano in Washington state, erupting, a bear stealing a car in Colorado at a fast food drive through, three large hurricanes, Flying Clams, invasive jumping beans from Mexico, and penguins reveal they are secretly controlling the reptile people who control the world, and seven small tsunamis. They aren't things you hope for, but if you plan your bingo card for the worst, when the month isn't as bad as your card you sigh relief. 

It's dark humor and it's working. It could be worse. 

I am grateful in this dark year to have a significant other who is supportive, and reminds me to slow down. Rapture curls up on my lap and purrs, following us around the apartment like we are in a parade. Our neighbors have become our friends. Blue Sun has grown, and we now have two locations open in the Twin Cities, our team loves what we do and we have a diversity of skills, experiences, and character that gives us balance. Our garden was fruitful both in the produce we harvested as well as uplifting the mood of everyone who walked past it. 

I've wrestled with what do I say? How do I put down in words the feelings, thoughts? I don't need to. You feel them. You think them. There are highs and lows. It is dark out there. It could be darker. I'm glad it is not. 

A Reason to Smile

                                     A Reason To Smile

        Anoka Historical Society called, they asked us for our Corvid Story, Kyle's coming in in an hour to work with me on it. If I couldn't write this without crying how on Earth will we do a video? Kyle's talented. He will find a way. 

International news was alarming. We talked about it. In February we adjusted the schedule so part time staff with family members who are high risk were taken off the schedule. I thought about my days working in medical settings, about fifteen years ago. MRSA, Norwalk Virus. What did we do to keep our patients safe? Bleaching surfaces. Washing frequently touched surfaces. Hand washing and do not touch your face! All the lessons flooded back. With my handy bleach bucket I scrubbed down shelves, handles, railings, countertops, doors; knowing this would become a new regular routine. 

Mark created a Whistler order page and set up an ongoing case sale for Whistler sodas to encourage people to maintain quarantine and minimize interaction for safety. We started getting phone calls, emails and facebook messages for our “online” orders, packing boxes and writing messages of humor, inspiration and gratitude on the boxes. You are a reason to smile. Thank you. Every Blue Sun staff took a marker and got to write or draw on boxes to send out to the folks at home. 

Not the most artistic box, for that either Kyle or Neal's boxes were the best.

Each time the news got scarier, Mark came to me. “How are we doing? How do you feel about this?”

I looked at him each time. “I want to stay open. We are essential.” We are classified as a Grocery Store, so yes, we are essential. He always asked. Was I scared? Hell yes, but I’ve never let fear rule my life. What we do is important. I got home every night for the first few weeks of quarantine and took long hot showers to destress and wash the fear of exposure away. 

But there’s a more important reason we are essential. We are peace of mind, stress reduction, and sweet, sweet soda. In times of stress, one of the most important things a person can have is a reason to smile. As stupid as I may sound, think of the darkest, worst times in your life- what turned those moments around or made them easier to deal with? 

When my Grandfather died, it was Birch beer. He was with me when I drank it. Still is. Birch beer is a hug and a smile from one of the kindest human beings who walked this planet. I know how crucial it is during turmoil to have comfort.

We stayed open. Cleaning. Encouraging sales through phone and internet. Writing messages on boxes. Between online orders there were hours of fifties music and quiet aisles. What could I do to make things better? I spent years telling stories and painting with children. I got out the paints. Started painting in the store. Redid the mural in the Jungle bathroom. Painted an outer space mural in the arcade. Mark said “Keep going!” I painted blinking back tears, thinking of our families out there. Missing the kids and regulars. Hoping everyone is okay. 

A Blue Sun & Super Hero Girl in Space

Mark came up with the idea for Easter. Easter baskets with soda and candy. Several young patrons gave me feedback on the prototype baskets. Mark listened and got eggs with toys inside and little stuffed animals. We thought we would get orders for about 20 of them. We got orders for over 150. I frantically reached out to our part time staff; they were delighted to get to come to work. It felt so good to have them back in the store, to hear their voices as they made jokes. We literally got to be the Easter Bunny, and it was an honor! It was fantastic to see the delight of customers picking up their baskets. Ted, Kyle, Ken, William and Dru adjusted their schedules to make the magic happen. 

Prototype Baskets

It’s a different world today than it was a few months ago. We encourage social distancing, wearing masks in public, and we are even more mindful of cleanliness. We’ve remodeled the soda fountain area with a fresh "new" oldies look. We have cool new murals, and we’ve labelled sodas based on sweeteners to make things easier  for customers. Our customers give us a reason to strive, you inspire us. 

Neal makes fill in faces, Brantley was the first I saw come back!

Today, Julia came in and gave me masks for our employees. Curt brought us 3 D printed pieces that make masks more comfortable to wear. There’s someone at least once a day who comes by just to pick up a soda and connect for a couple of minutes with a joke or story. We share, from six feet away. Our days are mutually better because we have those essential moments. What we do is important. How we do it is important. Our Blue Sun Family is amazing, we’re making it through this together and we’re doing it with a smile, sense of humor and soda. 

       Micaela, working on her degree in Graphic Design did a photo shoot with Whistler. We are planning to make a display with an attribution to show of her skill! Billy is plotting posters and stickers. Kyle is working on the video project. We support the growth of our employees by letting them shine, giving them the chance to share their talents and skills with you. We encourage them to follow their dreams, knowing part of their dream is the same as ours and that's why they choose to be part of Blue Sun. 

Angela R. Hunt, Manager Blue Sun Soda Shop, Author & Storyteller

Perspective: How do you do?

I spent over twelve years traveling the country. Sometimes living in tents, sometimes staying at friend's homes. All different environments, temporary communities coming together to do festivals before tearing down to head to the next show. Two springs, two summers, two falls. I spent a lot of time hiking and exploring the places I went. 

I learned important lessons. Sometimes over and over. Everyone is responsible for their own choices. A friend can be a friend and make bad choices. I watched it time after time, show after show. Does it mean turn your head and ignore the problems caused by their behavior? Does it mean accept them slacking off or doing what they choose instead of what is expected from them? No. At the beginning of the day, at the end of the day: it comes down to doing the job right. A friend who takes advantage of friendship isn't really acting as a friend. I watched businesses lose events because the owners let friends take advantage of them and misrepresent their companies. 

Sometimes you have to sit down and really look at what the costs are to the choices you make. The costs to you and to the folks you call friends.

 Are you making choices to move forward? Are you representing yourself well? How do you represent the business you own or work for? How do you treat friends, employees, coworkers, customers, employers? 

How do you treat yourself? It starts with this question. Do you take care of your health? Do you have goals you are working toward? Are you just passing time, what are you waiting for? Do you leave everything for someone else to handle, do you feel your entitled to like some mythical Princess? Why? Where does that get you? Do you spend time generating excuses or solutions? Does your time go to social media or does it go into you? 

I don't want to hear gossip, I don't want my time or attention wasted on the dramas in other people's lives. I'd rather see cat pictures and memes and focus on my life than gawk at social media arguments. 

What mental landscape do you tend for yourself? How do you maintain yourself? How do you invest yourself and your time?

Periodically, it's good to pause and assess: where are you and how are you? I hope it's good! 

I've got my feet on the ground. I have a place, an amazing significant other who is building a future with me, a fantastic workplace where our team works together to make nostalgia real. 

I hope your introspective is positive, that you've lost the need for excuses and blame. I hope you choose to make healthy choices. 

Letting Go

I learned teaching archery the hardest thing for people to learn was letting go. I could tell them over and over "let go of the string" and they'd look at me with a desperate expression while they opened some of their fingers, usually dropping the arrow and still managed to grip the string. The arrow can't fly if you don't let go. The string even pulls against your fingers, which should hint at the natural action of opening your hand. Somehow it doesn't.
I tried different tactics but still that letting go got in the way of success. 
It was a wise old friend who explained the problem was the words. Letting go is hard to do, we try to get those things back or we aren't sure. Releasing isn't hard, it's what you do when it's something we weren't meant to keep- or it would be ridiculous to keep. We don't let go of the bee in our house, we release it out a window.
I started using that word in my lessons and people stopped holding the string. They were successful, with less anxiety and effort. They had fun without difficulty, not realizing how challenging that pesky string could be.
When you try to let go of things, do you end up gripping them tighter? Letting go of baggage and trauma, just brings those bags back in a landslide of weight. Acknowledging and releasing them lessens emotional impact and allows you to move forward.
You can create new healthy expectations, allow stability and growth by releasing yourself from the stuck spots and feelings. You don't have to remember everything. You don't have to relive it. You can choose your focus, your direction, who you want to be and how you want to be treated.
Walking in circles in your head trying to find the right spot to unravel the pain from the past only keeps you living the wound and sinking back into the mindset and perceptions that were there when you were wounded. A broken hand doesn't heal by having the same trauma over and over, or by having the injury ignored.
May you release what's been holding you back and allow yourself to grow.

How Are You Approaching Life?

Mythology tells the story of a man who rolls a huge boulder up a mountain only to find himself at the base of the mountain again, same boulder waiting to be pushed to the summit. We’ve all heard the story. We’ve all nodded at it, thought how stupid it was, and wondered why the guy perpetually keeps trying. Seriously, how many attempts do you make before you walk away or push the boulder in another direction? 

Obsession? Desperation? The perception that there is only one path ahead of you? The story was meant to be a lesson, not to let yourself lose sight of the other paths open to you. I spent a lot of years pushing boulders uphill, only to find myself still at the base of the mountain looking up. Rebuild again, redefine again, start over and never look down. Each push exhausting, each attempt full of lessons. Determination kept me moving forward. The day came where I sat down next to the boulder. Where had all my efforts gotten me? They gave me the chance to travel, but not the budget to really appreciate the places I went. I grew friendships and through those saw my friends fighting their own battles- some also pushing their own boulders while others stood in the water unable to appreciate the resources around them- unable to even drink what rippled beneath their chin. 

I reached a point where I stopped caring about the top, the rock and realized the story isn’t really about either of those things. It is entirely about you. How many times do you have to start over? How many times do you have to collect all the tools to survive and thrive? How many times do you have to let go of what you’ve gained to step forward? 

No more living in a tent without electric. No more outdoor living in uncertain weather. Suddenly, you have tools. A chisel, to break apart the stone. To turn that rock into smaller stones you can build with. You start making bricks. Now you can make a place to live. A safe place, your own place instead of just being a guest in other people’s lives. 

The hardest step is letting go of the fight, the excuses why you need to keep doing what isn’t making you happy or helping you grow. Letting go of the scars and wounds from your past, the ones you don’t even realize shape your life costing you more than you know. Sabotaging success and leaving you questioning your worth and echoing the worst parts of your past. 

I started a new life in Oklahoma, following my grandfather’s wisdom. I worked hard. Constantly worked to do my best running five businesses. Ordering, inventory, displays, hiring, overseeing shops and employees. Never making enough money to move forward on my goals, but at least making enough to keep pushing the rock up the hill. This spring I was setting up a shop and had two hardwood boards come down on the top of my head. 

The pain was immense. I had to keep pressure on my head just to make the pain bearable. I couldn’t see how bad it was. I was terrified. No one who saw it would let me see their facial expressions after they saw it. Several people let me know later that they had seen my skull, that when I moved my hands for them to look at the wound, blood spurted about five feet forward. Friends kept me calm while the doctor put staples in. Memories were foggy, it was hard to remember moment to moment at first. For several weeks the headache was non-stop. Then with weather changes. I was still anxious. No referral to a neurologist. No after care. It’s reality without health insurance. I didn't tell many people how bad the accident and injury really were. 

Post concussive disorder, headaches, blood pressure spikes were a thing. I ended up in the ER, the doctor there echoed my friends. Find a more supportive job with less stress, and if possible seek one out with benefits. Put yourself first instead of the rock. Most of my possessions are still sitting in a van in Oklahoma, because it was more important to move in a new direction; than to have things. Surviving a flood taught me you can always rebuild and get new things. The move has been positive. 

Stress is lower. I’m not pushing a rock uphill every day. I’m feeling better and able to look at my future and chop the proverbial rock apart to shape it into anything I choose to. It feels good, not to be driven. For a while, as I traveled without a safety net, not knowing when my next gig would be, my mantra was “flying not falling.” I was a leaf spinning in the wind, hoping the updrafts would keep me from hitting ground. I had to learn that I couldn’t break that cycle until I landed. When you see someone living that cycle, there is nothing you can say that will change things for them. They’ve got internal struggles and perceptual issues they have to face to see their own hand in the flawed and dangerous path their life is on. 

You have to care for yourself enough to chose to create a healthy environment for yourself. You have to want to build a future rather than just survive or escape the worst parts of your past. These sound like simple things, but in reality, they are part of everyone’s every day struggles. Some never face them, excusing every interaction in their lives as chance, luck or someone else’s fault. Some dive into the unhealthiest situations and relationships just to destroy themselves faster, or passively live in a purgatory of their own making. We each have choices, so are you rolling a boulder up a hill or are you living?

What Makes Life Meanginful?

The opportunity to give a memory, an experience to someone else. Without reward or accolades, a shared moment. 

The chance to take an aging Father bowling so he can see, years later, that you still love the game. The opportunity to watch a young friend laugh as she learns how to play pinball. The crack in a friend's voice when they hear how important a gift they dismissed became in your life. 

  Years ago, my friend Bones gave me a black sheepskin hat. It fit perfectly. I carried it everywhere I traveled. When it was cold, there was the hat. Warm and cozy. It became a symbol of not being alone, of being safe even in the coldest winter night. When life was stressful, I turned the hat inside out and rested my head on it. He tuned out of social media, so I couldn't tell him what impact he had on my life. How meaningful his gift was. 

We aren't the people who determine what is meaningful in another person's life: we merely have the opportunity to open that door for them and sometimes we get to share the memory and gratitude with them. 

The sound in my friend's voice, when he realized he'd done something meaningful in my life, that someone had been worried about him for years and he hadn't known- it changes perspective. The world isn't such a dark or lonely place; it's the little things that have meaning and get us out of our own mental traps. 

May your life be full of meaningful moments, and may you always remember your words and actions can be gifts. 

Critical Self Maintenance

So many people are concerned with what they are entitled to, how other people should treat them, with what they should have.
Yet they don't take care of themselves. They get caught up in their own struggles, never reaching out. They get caught up in their baggage instead of putting to down. Their homes are in disarray, but they get their jobs done. They don't eat right. They don't take care of symptoms when they are manageable, instead they let things snowball until what could have been a bump in the road becomes a one way ticket off the mortal coil. They hold onto their hurts instead of healing.
Some use shopping, collecting material goods they don't need as a pacifier; others food, others drink or take their pills to keep the feelings and thoughts at Bay.
It's a downward spiral that paralyzes many.
No one can stop that spiral except you. No one can make that choice to reach out to friends and supports except you.
I know more dead people than live ones, those folks with sad ones- caught in that spiral: they wanted one thing. Not to feel the way they did but unable to see they weren't in a tunnel facing a train: they were under a night sky. They could have made so many different choices.
I have caught the news. I read the hate. I read the lives of friends accepting their spirals as inevitable.
I know they are wrong, because among the living are those who chose to reach out. Those who chose, one difficult step at a time; to start taking care of themselves. To value themselves and to take the steps to heal and really live.
Each day, I take time to organize, clean, and to make sure I take care of me. Eat, exercise, socialize, keep my environment organized and healthy.
It makes a vast difference.
Someone said to me, after not seeing me in years, they hardly recognized me: excess weight gone, focus sharp, negativity gone. What good is it to allow the unhealthy behaviors and patterns rule your life?
Life is about living, and to really live you've got to take care of you. Look around you, how do you take care of you? Treat yourself with the respect you deserve.

The Human Condition: Approach is Everything

The world pushes: faster, harder, get in line. Treat people with the utmost respect, but fuck them. Entitlement and expectation are weapons, excuses the endless defense. Labels, endless finger pointing. Who is at fault? Sorry, not sorry. Feeling cute, might be an utter piece of shit later but appearances are important?

A few years ago I lived in a tent. A friend had a generator system set up to offer electric to everyone who was living in tents. The price was reasonable. He freely taught anyone who would listen how to monitor their usage, how to pick electronics- especially fans and lights that would not cost a fortune to use. I was amazed how many people didn't ask, didn't listen and got outright outraged when their bill came due at the end of the event.

Life. Life is like that campground. Full of people, caught up in their own stories and desire to be important in their own lives. Moving too fast and pushing too hard to stop and actually evaluate what is really important. It isn't a race. Life is an experience. They burn themselves out, abuse or neglect themselves hoping someone else will intercede to save them like in a Disney movie. They don't understand that all the time they squander- they can't get a refund or stiff the bill.

How we treat each other, how we spend that time, spinning away behind us as our threads wind toward their unknown ends- that is what is key. What is truly important? Time with the people we love. Time working toward the achievements we dream of. Taking walks with friends. Sharing meals. Growing gardens. Joking and watching families be families.

I love moments where I get to witness people doing it right. A girl coming into the store with her dad, to show off a costume- a character she created and made herself. Spending her time, their time working on a dream.

Are you taking time to live? I get it. The excuses. Bills. Expectations. You can work and live. You can balance out the present between working for your future and experiencing now. The next time you feel the urge to jump into annoyance or frustration because instant gratification wasn't in your cards, step outside of yourself. Look at the big picture. Are you reacting like a child throwing a tantrum because someone carried you up a mountain but  brought oranges instead of cookies for a snack? Are you waking up each day thinking about all the things that are right in your world or are you discontent and looking to spread that feeling around?

My life has been change, it has been lessons; sometimes hard ones. I own my mistakes, and my focus is now and tomorrow. In a disconnected world, connect and be human. Sometimes when we let ourselves get caught up in minutiae we miss the real wonder life is.

Storyteller Steps into Business Land

Is life like Groundhog Day, the same day repeated with slight variations as you live almost on autopilot? Is life like a Robert Rankin novel, where characters evolve and sudden plot twists spin everything on it's ear?
It's somewhere in between. Chaos mixed with routine.
One year telling stories on stage, the next behind the scenes researching products, price points, managing inventories and employees, focusing on sales rather than the impact of words.
It's different when you're used to direct interaction to step back and be responsible for the sales folk you select, wanting the people who have the skill and talent to connect with patrons. Why?
Because the highest quality interactions involve connecting. Finding the people with a knack for connecting with other people, who brighten other people's experience is possibly the hardest challenge whether you're creating a sales force or casting a show.
In a disconnected world, connection is valuable. It enhances our mood and gets us out of our heads.
Running five businesses that rotate products based on venue and season is a challenge. Keeping numbers and the mental to do list straight, tracking sales and inventory to make better ordering decisions. Figuring out how to display and sell overstock and taking care of back stock so it retains full value when it finally hits the shelves. Watching sales trends and price points. Figuring out how to communicate with employees to keep their morale up and to keep them focused on doing a good job. Expressing gratitude when jobs are well done. Addressing issues as neutral problems to solve rather than accusations or issues of blame. Accountability. Accepting mistakes are a part of life, and are going to happen, so document them: address them and go forward.
Plan ahead. Make a list of goals and work toward them. Without a  long term goal it's Groundhog Day, eventually your mood and attitude will tank.
Take the time to take care of you, which means taking care of your environment too. Nutrition, sleep, play, socialization, light, and laughter. Are you getting enough?
When you're a boss with employees: are they getting enough? Enough support, communication, information, products, guidance and stability outside the workplace- even though that's not boss responsibility, a person's outside life does impact their performance at work. The goal is for that impact to be positive or neutral.
Managing employees who do sales can be like the telephone game if your communication isn't stellar- their communication will be muted or mixed up. It can also be awesome, when an employee or team picks up communication well and exceeds expectations.
The costume shop team at Halloween naming outfits like "inflatable Uber driver" and making punny outfits; or Jess in the Halloween shop keeping product clean, organized with working batteries- teaching patrons to use the try me buttons rather than breaking products to see if they work. She spent hours testing and labeling what worked and what was just for decor. The patron may not have a concept of how much time and effort we put into setting that one shop up, but we know, and I appreciate the hours we spent together working on silly Halloween animated toys.
It's a year of learning, applying knowledge and experience. A crash course exam at a masters degree level in real life running businesses. Inventory, sales techniques, and marketing are as critical in sales as they are in storytelling. What do you have? How do you communicate and who are your characters?
Story versus Sale.
Story is sale. Sale is story.
I used to teach drama and acting to kids as sales. A volunteer would try to sell the rest of the class anything. The class would vote on how convincing the seller was. Anything could be a prop. One boy sold the rock climbing wall. Being a character is selling a role. Being a manager is selling employees in roles, products, shops and venues. Having pirates run the pirate shop, a Zen guru sell tapestries, playful characters in costumes, and light saber lovers showing of their favorites in the Light Up Shop.
A year of lessons to apply to bring next year to a higher level.
Not Groundhog Day. Not Far Fetched Fiction. Life with strategy.

How Do You Behave in Stores?

Running retail stores is an eye opening experience. Remember the days of long ago, before selfies and Instagram? Before Amazon and eBay? The days so ancient our memories are soaked in sepia, when stores had salespeople who knew their products, tended them and adeptly assisted in shopping- making the experience enjoyable?
There are still physical stores that offer good service. We focus on service in the shops I run. How to treat customers, how to do the things that need to be done. But wait! There's another important side to this coin. The patron.
I've noticed in the last few years and increase in apathy and destructive behavior in shoppers. Instead of using try me buttons, patrons trying to force animated toys to move manually, sometimes breaking them- then walking away. Ripping apart animated figures to pose with body parts for selfies- figures they haven't bought and don't intend to, and if you mention paying for the merchandise they damaged- they are affronted, how dare we expect them to be responsible for their actions!
Folks, when you shop, regardless of where you are:
Treat products with respect. Do not break things. Ask permission before picking things up. Do not fight with or use objects someone is selling unless you've bought them. Do not break things. Picking up a Halloween decorations and shoving it in your girlfriend's face- so she screams and breaks it or putting on a mask you haven't bought and jumping at a friend in a shop full of people, knocking over a display of new masks in the process, also unacceptable. Not funny. Not cool. Running out of a store with any object from the store without paying is not a game, it is shoplifting.
What happened to respect?
We choose how we behave. We are responsible for our actions and choices.
It's important to call people on inappropriate behavior. The guy who knocked over a display: another patron caught it. He gave the guy who did it a tongue lashing that calmed him down and got him remembering how he should be acting.
Twice I've had to talk to kids about not leaving stores with stuff from shops if they haven't bought it. Once, the kids were chagrined and apologized. The other time, Mom ran interference. She had them bring back what they took but buffered them from chastisement. She might not realize, when she's not around they'll do it again as she just made it okay.
We change behavior by modeling behavior and communicating expectations. I have an employee now who welcomes folks into the shop where people forget to behave. He smiles and stands. He's polite. He steps in if people get ridiculous and asks them to leave if they start throwing product around or making out with animated figures or dismembering them.
I never thought I'd see the day where I'd write a reminder of how we the shoppers should behave but here it is.
The Golden rule is important everywhere.

Set Up Is Key

When you think of an event what is the first thing that comes to mind? The people, sounds, activities, and sights. What gets overlooked is the work to make an event successful. Whether the event is a backyard cookout with friends, a stage show or even a festival, planning is key.
Success or failure can be determined by factors beyond your control. Weather, timing, economic factors, current fads, and even location all impact outcomes. You might represent an excellent company making the finest ice cubes, in Alaska you'll have trouble trying to make the same sales you would in Arizona. You might sell heavy cloaks like hotcakes in the North only to find folks down South have little use for them. You could be a talented juggling unicycle rider vying with five other juggling unicycle riders on the same street. Perhaps you make lovely hand woven baskets, but at the event you paid to sell your wares at, there's an importer with ridiculously low prices with a better booth location. You spend your day watching shoddy imported baskets go by, listening to patrons tell you your pieces are expensive.
Don't take it personal. Look at what you can do to succeed despite the weather, location, timing and economy. Connect with the people who have open minds or an eye for quality. Educate others when you can, perhaps you'll help them learn the right questions.
If an event isn't supportive of the businesses and people who make it happen, look for one that is. If it's a life situation, same goes. Assess. Don't fall in the trap of overgeneralization. All patrons aren't cheap or rude. All events aren't poorly organized. Find the good ones. You have the power to make choices, the best choice you can make for success is in your set up. Do your research. Figure out what you need. Don't accept a glowing assurance, ask for detail-what makes that assurance more than a platitude? It's up to you to represent yourself wisely or you'll get taken advantage of. Over and over.
Set yourself up for success. Climb the tree, get the proverbial coconuts.

Towing Lesson Number one

The option to travel with a small travel trailer is excellent. More room to pack the things we need, more space.
We made sure our vehicle would be able to safely pull the trailer. We asked around, where could we get a hitch installed on our van? Feedback from other traveling friends was resoundingly Uhaul. We did call other shops for comparison, UHauls rates were the best.
We learned from Uhaul, there are two types of lifts they use to put hitches on, not all Uhaul's have both- if one Uhaul can't install your hitch because they've got the wrong lifts call the other Uhauls in the area. The first location didn't tell us to try a different UHaul, a friend ofine with years of towing under her belt did.
The tow hitch was successfully installed. The mechanic made sure it was the kind we needed based on the trailer we planned to tow.

David's dad put a new tire on the trailer, he made sure it was up to date on it's paperwork and was road legal, brake lights and turn lights working. Excellent.
Load the heavy weight in the front of the trailer or it will fish tail.

It rode smooth. Three hours into the drive, a tire started smoking. We pulled off. Assessed the problem. Wheel bearing issue. Luckily, there was an exit less than a mile from us. We got off the highway and parked at a gas station, they told us a safe place to park for the night. We looked up repair shops in the area. The mechanics in the area were fully booked, Skaggs RV, half a mile from us said they could get us in. As we left the Fivestar (it's name is Fivestar and their staff IS Five star) the tire fell off.
We have AAA. Having just picked up the trailer, we hadn't changed coverage yet from classic to RV plus. As I sat in my van facing incoming and outgoing traffic I was bounced to five different AAA employees who asked the same questions each time, and each time said they weren't the department I needed. It seemed contradictory "Are you safe, no? Well, if you change your coverage now in three days we can help." This was the long and short of the call. I reached a point of anger where David took the phone and peopled, I wasn't at a talking to humans without verbally disembowling them. I paced.

Many profane words later, David still smiling somehow got a tow truck set to come. $80 out of pocket. We called Skaggs and updated them. Their mechanics actually drove over to where we were and assessed the situation personally. They went back to their shop, mind you, they were slammed due to an RV show happening in town this week. They came back and helped get the axle onto a little wheeled dolly to make to tow easier.
Doug's Towing sent Kevin who got the trailer on his truck easily with the dolly. Skaggs assessed the trailer's issues and a week from now the part they need should be here. Kevin, one of the mechanics is security for their shop, had our trailer placed next to his to keep an eye on it for us.
Seriously, if you have to have bearings go, and you're starting at a wheel lying in the ground- Elizabethtown Kentucky is the place to be.
We kept an eye on our trailer, we pulled off when we saw an issue and it saved us from having a serious accident. If it had come off while we were driving at sixty miles an hour on the highway attached to our can rather than as we were leaving the gas station- it could have rolled our vehicle.

We're on the road again, everything packed into our van. We're still going to get to our destination on schedule.

I share this experience because it's a bunch of important road lessons all wrapped in one. It was my first time towing. You don't really pay attention to towing information until it's pertinent to your experience. The biggest helps and best advice have come from other people who tow trailers and RVs.

I learned from another friend there's a company called Coachnet that offers coverage for trailers and RVs, many of my towing friends already switched to their service because of customer issues with AAA.
I figure, since I had the opportunity to learn these lessons, I could share and hopefully the lessons help others too.

Drive safe!

All or Nothing

You find yourself staring at a candid photo of someone's honey coloured memory. A brief blurb letting you know about an emotionally charged situation. Your heart rises in sympathy. Rape or other violent crime plus ethnic label to season this equation with negative connotations equals jumping to conclusions and joining the latest Witch Hunt. Quick, put on your outrage. It's All or Nothing. Join the Social Media Mob of Good Intentions and Ethnic Cleansing! Get your virtual pitchforks and boiling tar over here! Bit currency accepted!

Stop. When you look at pictures and story teasers on social media, I ask you to do one thing before you do anything else. As your heart starts to get the feels, pause. Slip out of Facebook, Instagram, or whatever app you are in. Head over to a web browser. Do a search. Is the little blurb you're seeing truth or is it false?

Many of us have unintentionally shared false posts at some point getting carried away by a plausible pitch. In the early days of Facebook, I shared what interested me with the idea we each choose our own truths to believe, and I found some of the satire to be hilarious.
The world has gotten heavier with conflicts and gate seething like a pot about to boil over on a stove.

When you share an inflammatory post, hate accented with words that tug heart strings or passive aggressive prejudice that claims to be comedy you're actively hurting other people.

You're reinforcing prejudice. You're saying it is alright to judge and hate. You plant painful lies in the back of people's thoughts without considering they'll remember the emotion and the picture, they'll forget it was proven to be false.
Stop. It isn't All or Nothing.

Refugees aren't running around the country on rape and murder sprees but on the other hand vioent American criminals aren't being extradited to the states that have warrants- many are being allowed to go and commit more crimes as they slip across state lines and do terrible things. Do you remember the article about Police departments climing they don't have the money to transport violent criminals to the states they committed crimes in to face justice?

You forgot about that? It's real news. How many times have you seen little blurbs of hate shared on media blaming refugees, blacks, men, women, or another group for some terrible crime. "Murdering some sweet young girl so her ex military Daddy took the law into his own hands." This is what the narrator in a fictional story says.
If it sounds like the introduction to a bad B movie, it isn't news. Stop. Do not share it. Fact check it. Comment on it, in case there person who shared it is not aware they are sharing a fiction and helping breed prejudice. I will note, if you put it this way, your "friend" will probably not stick around.
There is enough real tragedy in the world. There is more than enough hate. A wise man once wrote "What's so funny about peace, love and understanding?"

One thought. If we all made the choice to jump as enthusiastically on  understanding and love instead of hopping the daily animosity train- if as much effort was put into respecting and communicating, think how different we could make the world?
If we looked at people wondering about their positive potential instead of assuming they'll manifest the worst behavior it makes a huge impact.
Other people aren't the enemy. Judgement, fear, and spreading inflammatory falsehoods are.

I hope that in a year I can look back and say "2018 was the year people really started questioning. 2018 was the year people started critically thinking. 2018 was the year many people held themselves accountable for their own shortcomings and they stepped up. They made changes. 2018 is the year many chose to set aside prejudice and hate. It was the first year on social media where people overwhelmed inflammatory posts with fact based comments; Snopes reported a seventy five percent drop in false hate articles."

I know, Ive got a big imagination. Imagine what the world could be like if we all set aside our fear and mistrust, if we all tried respecting each other?
This is a goal worth going All in on.

Fighting Winter Blues

There are people who love winter. They love cold weather, snow, and ice. Wonderful for them. Winter is the time of year when there is less sun, temperatures curb outdoor activities and it gets easy to isolate.
I have never enjoyed winter. Cold. Colds. Being Cooped up. Dangerous driving conditions. Financial stresses. Limited work. I do my best to try to put myself in states that do not get snow (or get very little) this time of year.
People ask often, how do you fight the Winter Blues?

Lists. Lists are important. Lists of favorite mood boosting activities, songs, movies, pictures, places.
Lists of goals and the steps you are taking to reach them. When your mood is at its darkest, its time to use the items on your mood boosting list. Look at your goals: what are you doing to accomplish them? What have you put off? Winter is a good time to accomplish things that you don't have time to sit down and do other times of year. Getting closure on projects is always a satisfying feeling.

Call or write a friend. Long winer no see, drop a line, a Meme, a Gif, a photo to a friend you haven't heard from in a while. Take time to stay connected. Talking and interacting with other people gets us out of our own heads and lifts our mood. The request for friends to share positive pictures or picture number such and such frequently impact you and the people who share positively.

Visit friends! Get out to social events! This winter we've hit $5 movie nights to get out and have fun, we also went to a good friends' birthday party at an Arcade for Adults. We tried out a new virtual reality game (pictured below). Dodging a virtual stone snake to snatch an idol, traveling through virtual temple ruins chases thoughts of snow away with lava pits!

What are you eating? Nutrition directly influences mood. Healthy, balanced diet equals better mood versus empty calories and heavy meals that literally weigh you and your mood down. Watch portion sizes, get fresh fruit and vegetables in your diet every day. Vitamins. Some people love them, others roll their eyes. B 12 is the mood booster. Magnesium supplements other than magnesium oxide (magnesium oxide is not a form of magnesium our bodies can actually use) like SloMag, Calm, Magnesium Maleate also help with lifting the mood, easing anxiety and depression. Sunlight. Get in it as much as you can. Your body needs that sunlight to work properly, let the sun in!

Get out! You don't have to have money to bundle up and go outside, it is cold but can you handle it for a brisk walk? If not, there are many malls and other public indoor places to walk where you might have to ignore advertising and dodge customers but you can get your steps in. If you have the money for it: this is the time of year to use the gym or recreational center near you. This winter I am going to a recreational center once a day, spending a half hour doing laps, then walking a mile on their track. I see people practicing basketball, volleyball, and I can meditate in the dry Sauna.

Pet Snuggles! Curl up with a favorite show and a snuggly pet. Research shows that holding or petting our animals improves our mood.

Picture time! Take pictures of things you find beautiful to share with friends on Facebook or Instagram. Looking for things that make you smile gets your mind focused on positive rather than negative.

Thought stopping. If you catch yourself wearing down the negative mood and thought trail, stop. Do you really want to? What reframing can you do? How can you make your focus and mood turn around? Each of us is different. Some can turn it around with humor, others need a hug or at least acknowledgement of the negative before they can get back to the brighter side.

Little things have a big impact. What can you do to offer people more brightness this winter?

Looking Forward and Back. Truth. Perspective and The Unforseen Costs of Caring

A friend of mine got banished by the powers of Facebook again. I know because he's wise enough to have a back up account. Was it bots mindlessly flagging and checking his posts? Was it a silent troll smiling as they reported memes for whatever small reason? Was it an algorithm, and why do I wish I had paid more attention to algorithms in school now?
Does it actually matter?
I take this small external situation and use as an example. My friend had a back up plan and a good sense of humor. He's already moved on even though it keeps happening. He does sometimes post over the top memes, but the intent is shock comedy.
One of the biggest frustrations I deal with is myself. I give too much, I try too hard. It has happened when I finally can't or choose not to; the individual or individuals I gave so much to and did so much for don't want people to be aware they were abusive or apathetic at best.
There is no good part of a bad relationship and even after it's over you keep paying for it. You pay because even as you work on yourself, even as you grow, even as you take responsibility on your shit- they're still out there like bots on Facebook quietly influencing the perception of others. You wonder sometimes when people you were friendly with become distant, but the minute you say anything it somehow confirms whatever crap they've spread.
No one asks. They believe what they want to believe.  Think about the Facebook banishment. Similar situation a year ago, and a different guy I knew started harassing and threatening legal action at a friend. He was convinced she was stalking him and silently reporting his every post, even though he blocked her. She didn't want to think about him let alone have anything to do with his posts. People who didn't like her and wanted to believe the Bad Stalker Story did, regardless of the truth- that she wanted zero to do with that guy and stalking him was the last thing she'd ever willingly do as it would mean she had to look at what he was posting. Truth didn't matter to the people who wanted to believe the worst.
Back to today:
My biggest frustrations come from trying too hard, helping too much and paying the price as my efforts didn't help me but helped people who were self motivated to use what I offered.
A good friend told me this past summer "You have too many asshole friends." He was right. I've been weeding and paying more attention to who I share time and effort with. Spring cleaning my friends, keeping the real ones who give a shit, ask questions, reciprocate. Letting go of users, manipulators, false friends.
Too many real, shitty memories I don't get to escape from to tolerate having someone claim friendship and in the same breath downplay or excuse abuse.

2017 also taught me the worst liars are quiet. They are opportunists. They pick who they sling their shit to. If you eat it, it's on you. People who don't like the word integrity, often don't possess it.

It's a new year. I am working forward, like my friend who had a back up plan. I've been working on my fiction, making jewelry and learning silk marbling. I'm preparing for a fabulous spring. I have a future to build, a sincere and fantastic guy to build it with, a fictional raccoon, and a growing Kitten. I'm going to be more conscious of who I help and how.

People will believe what they want to, regardless of the truth, regardless of their experience. We get no say in what people believe, but we can keep focused forward and moving forward.

May 2018 be the year you hope it is. May you buy Fuglyware and the excellent coffee partnering with Fuglyware. May you come marble silks with us. Maybe you'll come watch me tell stories on stage. Maybe we'll all find a reason to smile, laugh, and appreciate each day.

#fuglyware #2018goals

Spinning Your Wheels versus Progress

Ever feel like you are stuck? You try to move forward, but you find yourself walking in place. Life events create hurdles for you to overcome. Unexpected events shake you, distract you and you find yourself standing in the same place a year later. You wonder why the places you want to go, the things you want to do, they never seem to get any closer.
You find you are spinning your wheels. Working hard to stay in the same place. You struggle even more, get your feelings behind you to give an extra push. You're invested now. You've got to bull your way through. Or do you?

Sometimes you have to take the time to sit down and make a list. What are your goals? Where do you want to be? What do you love doing? Why aren't you doing it? What are you waiting for? What excuses are you accepting as an okay reason not to succeed.

This winter, short days and long nights, has given me the opportunity to stop spinning my wheels. Stop surviving and shifting place to place in an endless quest to move forward. There is a list of gear I need to work on videos, a few expensive pieces of sound equipment for stage shows, supplies and materials for a new business letting people pay to do their own silk marbling at Art Shows and other events. A sweet kitten to play with. Books to edit and write. Ideas keep popping in, but they don't write themselves. Then there's marketing. Exposure. Spreading the word. Finding ways to network.

Every direction has a hundred tasks and small details. What is the camping like? What are the tax rates and event fees? How much will it cost us if we don't sell a single thing? Keep writing. The more I write, the clearer it is and the more vivid. Day after day of staring at a computer screen, reading my own words over and over. Are they the right words? Are the sentences smooth? Are the descriptions thorough, do they flow naturally? Was the thought clear in my head but muddy in black and white?

Day after day of going back over stories. Adding the missing details, fixing sentences, eliminating a thousand thats that dotted the manuscript like mold. That became my least favorite word, along with "You know" which was a verbal hiccup I fought telling stories in the street. The cheap hook to keep attention when something flashy happened nearby and eyes started to glance away. You Know is the magic that brings focus back. You Know That. Ugh. There they are again.

Several times I stopped and walked away. Took a day to make jewelry. A day to play games. Sanity days. Days away from the other worlds and characters running around in my head.

Working on plans to move forward. Publishing on Amazon in ebook and paperback, pursuing audiobook options as well. Starting a little business and doing events when I'm not already contracted to be somewhere entertaining or managing a shop.

I am stepping into 2018 with a smile and a feeling of accomplishment. The to do list is long, but I do not feel like I am spinning my wheels anymore.

What Shadows Hide

When I was young, my Dad's sister got her second divorce. Alcohol and abuse. The family made her, a hard working nurse and mother, the butt of many derogatory comments and jokes. Women were either dominating business owners who were practically sexless or they were talked about like objects.
When I was about twelve, one of my cousins held me down, forced my shirt up and gave me a titty twister. I fought. I called for help. Everyone there laughed. I went to my Dad, he dismissed it. When several other male family members found out they were not amused, and made sure that cousin never had a chance to try again. I felt like a shadow, a lesser human because I was told that I didn't have the right of choice- because of my gender by my own Dad. The other family members who disagreed were the quieter younger men- a great uncle who was younger than my dad, an older male cousin and my youngest uncle who didn't like that cousin's rudeness or behavior. No one spoke out. They quietly menaced him, shadows themselves.
Those guardian angels didn't know about my mother's brother and his secret sleep over seductions. The clues were there. He ended up marrying a fourteen years old girl. Got kicked out by my grandfather for his interest in underage girls. He was never reported - see, the answer when you speak out is "she's crazy, she's exaggerating, she's." Victim blaming, dismissal, excuses. Shadows, more shadows.

I got married in my young twenties. One night I woke up with him forcing penetration. I fought, but it's not easy to break free when someone already has you pinned. He said it was his right. Wrong.
I left. A retired man rented an apartment to me, a safe haven. He had another young lady in the basement apartment and one in the garage. He looked out for us while we healed and got back on our feet. My male co-workers modeled respectful behavior and my cousin Scott, as ever, was there for me as I dealt with the ugly emotions that needed to be done to with. Scott doesn't put up with shitty people. He's always called people out and been one of the bravest role models I've had.
Fast forward, years later I was working at the VA. A client threatened violence toward us, his treatment team. He had tested positive for crack. In the chaos, one of the VA cops grabbed me, walked me to my office to teach me self defense because "these guys can be dangerous and you need to know self defense." I was unsettled and he was an authority figure, someone I trusted. He fingered me to teach me not to freeze and break a hold from behind. My co-workers realized something was going on and kept knocking at the door trying to get in. He put them off.
Afterwards I went to my mentor, a Veteran who worked in Human resources. He asked me questions, got details. I didn't see that cop again. I found out from a good VA cop friend that he was fired for sexually assaulting and harassing female employees. My mentor had represented me, my co-workers too. No one said a word, other than the words that needed saying: that behavior is not tolerated here. No one made me sit through a court case or go through questions, my mentor handled it and stood for me. He, he was the one who counseled me and helped me heal. She did not deserve this, this was not acceptable: his words. Notice: for each instance, one guy acting negatively and more than one guy standing up and demonstrating respect.
Getting grabbed at bars, gas stations; cat called; these things you lose count of. Getting compliments, good Samaritan interventions, respectful intetactions: these are what I appreciate and count.
Regardless of gender, consent is key. There are too many stories like these in the lives of friends and strangers. We can intervene if we see or suspect, we can question and support. Shine light into the shadows, if they are empty great- if something ugly is lurking we can change it.
We can teach the next generation that abuse doesn't have to be part of their life experience. Idolizing abusers and abuse is unhealthy. Minimizing and dismissing is unhealthy. Labeling victims is deplorable. Many abuse victims punish themselves every day, racking their brains to figure out what's wrong with them, why them, what is wrong with them. Some realize it's external, it's the abuser's fault not theirs; they heal but never forget. We watch the shadows, ready to avoid or confront the next attempt- never wanting to feel powerless again.