Altruism is fantastic, in real life it is rare. This has been a year of hard lessons, apparently I hadn't learned them well enough so they came back bigger. Don't ever let anyone convince you that you are responsible for their life and wellbeing while they refuse to attend to their own wellness or even identify goals. Do not accept the people closest to you gaslighting or abusing you. Emotional, financial and psychological abuse are just as real and painful as physical abuse. And regardless of a pandemic, if someone is doing that: do not let the door kick them in the ass on the way out. They are not your responsibility. You do not have to live with someone insulting and belittling you while you work to pay the bills of two people.
Be careful who you put on a lease. I got stuck with that problem because I offered a place for a guy to put his life back together after he left an abusive relationship. Only, it takes two to tango and he did not deal with or address his own abusive behaviors. It cost my savings to get him to leave in May, after the first trip to the ER. When he made it transparent that he had zero empathy or consideration. While I was working and balancing a budget to pay my medical bills, he was buying guitars he doesn't know how to play.
The pain got worse and worse. It really started three years ago in Oklahoma, after several large boards fell and hit my head. I'll condense this part: three years of pain that became an avalanche by the time the right doctors and tests got involved. Three years of the damage quietly getting more severe, and pain I couldn't escape.
Take care of you first: do not accept jobs for employers who do not invest in their employees or their companies. If they dislike the customers, if they smile about being obnoxious to employees, if they ignore their own business, yet put more and more of the hats to run that business on your head; step back. Are the pay and benefits competitive, considering the work you are doing? Are you being recognized as the person doing them?
I worked so hard to keep Blue Sun open throughout the pandemic, without recognition, without a raise, without hazard pay, without any acknowledgement. My work made it possible for the company to keep it's doors open and expand to three locations. I encouraged the owner to purchase a local soda distribution company that wanted to sell. He wasn't overly interested, but I could see the potential. He purchased it. He was able to hire a two person full time team to handle the newly expanded Distribution. There was no reward, no recognition, no financial incentive in any of this for me, the General Manager. The owner smiled as revenue went up. It impacted his wallet. I argued for competitive wages. I could see that my arguments irritated the owner. I could not get the staff I needed at the pay offered, to do all the tasks that needed doing. I was having to go to food banks for groceries as a store manager, that is how far from competitive my wages were. I grew a company, the company won rewards and recognition based on training and events I created and implemented, but my name might as well be written on water. You can see the murals I painted. You can drink flavors I designed or assisted in designing, but there was no recognition of my value. The day after the Doctor benched me due to the severity of nerve inflammation in my spinal canal, they already had my staff picture off the wall. That was my thanks.
The surgery went well, the instructions were "do not lift more than seven pounds" for three months after surgery. But I am not wealthy. I had years of underpaying jobs and optimistic choices, hoping for the best but reality was far from it. Ever trying to build a stable future, to invest my energy into a business I can grow with that offers incentives and competitive pay. I'd like to be given credit for the accomplishments I have made. Recovering from surgery, when there is something over seven pounds, there is no help around. Or when you need it moved is when someone says "When you need that moved, let me know." And you say, "yeah, now." And they're already gone, so you move what you aren't supposed to.
When you can't afford rent, so you relocate where rent is half of what it is in Minnesota but there are hurdles. The last renter trashed the apartment. Several friends offered places to stay to recover, but there was a price tag that was too steep. They weren't offering out of altruism, they were offering because they wanted intervention on issues they had allowed to build in themselves and their environments and they wanted me there to set their lives right. A free live in Psychologist, but that is not what I need. I don't need to take care of other people's wellbeing. I need to take care of my own. To heal from surgery. To research and secure employment for a company that is supportive and healthy to work for, I am worth investing in and I am tired of investing myself in companies that do not deserve that investment; I weave gold from straw, in the past being recompensed with whatever low wage they could get away with. I hit fifteen an hour the start of my second year Managing Blue Sun: and that was more than a managing position, it was also warehouse managing, ordering, staffing, online sales and promotions, special events, retail sales, scheduling; it was everything. For Fifteen. I am worth more than that.
My resolution for 2022 is to take care of me. To evaluate life and career decisions: to make sure I am taking care of myself, as I can't be healthy or be there fully for any career or relationship unless I value myself highly enough not to allow situations like the one I am in to develop. I can run seven small businesses at the same time and rotate them seasonally. I can grow a small business into a chain, even during a pandemic. I am capable of a lot more than that, and I would rather not devote that energy to businesses that do not deserve that level of investment or service.
For 2022 my goals are to secure employment for a company I am proud to invest my energy in and grow with, to be selective in who my supports are and to keep addressing my wellbeing. Not carrying the baggage of the past, but using the lessons of the past to prevent repeating the same mistakes. Taking things one day at a time, to build the future I have always wanted.
Take care of You First, if you do not; no one else will; life is not a war, and bad jobs, bad relationships: do not invest in them. It is healthy to walk away, learn your lessons, heal and grow.
