Buried in paperwork and loss

Pictures show beautiful places and adventure, they don't hint at hours spent plotting details checking maps. They don't show letters and follow up on the bearocratic side of things. There's no easy way to check a box that says itinerant entertainer trading good company and help with everything from technology to yard work and cooking. There's no easy way to say "I have no fixed address, no actual home. My income goes to meeting survival needs and occasionally towards appreciating the breathtaking sights of the country. I value life more than money." 

This year my community has been torn by unexpected deaths of young vibrant souls. Brave youth who lived and gave us amazing memories. Yesterday we got word that our friend Steven Ommerle passed away. Word came hesitant, slowly reaching us all. We visited with him in Taos earlier this year. I drank in the sparkle in his eyes, so young despite his age and failing health. His spirit was noble and bold. He was genuine and genuinely incredible. Omms, as he went by, was the original bad guy to Taso's hero. Omms was the villain you loved or loved to hate. He was never the sort to ask for anything. We got there to find his fridge empty, his cupboards sparse. His tire went flat but he couldn't afford a patch. Even though I only had enough money to make it to my next gig and Danny had no excess either we filled his fridge, cooked him real food and listened to a lifetime of captivating stories. We called friends, but when they offered to assist, Omms, proud as ever, played down his need.
He spent his time watching news, shows, socializing with his beloved cat and smoking cigarettes while he waited for death. His sense of humor was profound. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer ten years ago, yet for that time death was distracted and left him waiting. He mentioned in jousting and stunts he'd broken over 60 bones in his body.

I picture him now, on the porch smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee waiting pensively for Death. I picture the relief on his face, he'd come to terms with death and dying in the years he lived in between. Waiting in a little apartment in Taos, noble and brave. Distancing himself to face his next journey alone.

As we left he gave me one of his shirts. A knight with little left, yet he still gave. It's beautiful and now it's priceless. It's the gift of a friend we were heading to visit next. A friend we were plotting to help financially this fall. A friend we embraced this past May, wondering if we'd see him alive again.

As these thoughts and feelings play through my head I type letters and organize medical bills from Danny's treatment this summer so the beaurocrats in his county address them. An ocean of numbers, itemized everything stacks up and folds into a priority tracked envelope with signature confirmation to prevent another claimed loss of paperwork. I redid forms four times with him for his medical coverage between May and August.

Work travel plans tug at me, I'm reminded I need to reserve hotels, rental cars and forward receipts to my boss. I've got to show where the travel money goes legitimately.

Outside the sun shines, somewhere lions dream and I see Omms bright eyes and smile. He was a lion, a lover, a fighter and a friend.

Have you tasted the wild fruit?

We are staying with a friend in the mountains of Colorado. My significant other is recovering from heart surgery and dealing with medical issues. The illusion of human immortality has been broken yet again. I follow my friends on Facebook, watching the surgeries, births, deaths, and everyday struggles. I started the day like I did when I was twelve. I took a container outside and crawled around in the lawn. Why? The scent of strawberries, the vibrant splashes of red leaves and berries signaling time for harvesting.

When I was twelve I crawled around in a field next to my house, I spent hours picking berries the size of my fingernails. Each berry had a thousand times more flavor than a large, domesticated berry. It was worth the time and effort for the finest jam I ever made. This is a profound statement. I have made a lot of jams and jellies from Chai Apple Jelly to Queen Anne's Lace Jelly; to say that the wild strawberry was the finest is an impressive designation.

I am almost forty. I am crawling around and picking berries again. Smaller than my fingernails, brighter than a rose and more delicious than any fruit bought in a store. The bottom of the container slowly fills with each berry adding color and volume to the harvest.

Patience and knowledge are necessary in wild harvesting. There is nothing like finding and eating wild food. It is an experience that everyone should have at least once in their lives.

Many people talk about having 'bucket lists' of doing crazy and extreme or obscure things. I think everyone should have on their list learning to recognize wild edible plants and to go out harvesting. There are easy plants to learn: wild strawberries, elderberries, raspberries, blackberries, black raspberries, blueberries, marion berries, rose hips, puff ball mushrooms, morel mushrooms, wild leeks, wild onions, wild garlic, apples, crabapples, prickly pear, yucca fruit, rhubarb, tiger lily and nasturtium flowers. You can find wild or once domesticated herbs growing: comfrey, plantain, mustard, dandelions, mullein, cattails, cowslips, sage, rosemary, and garlic. You have to be aware of look-alikes and know your plants; but there is nothing like going out into nature with empty hands and coming home with a feast.

One of my favorite plants is Jewelweed or Touch Me Not. Bright yellow and orange flowers, stem full of juice and seed pods that explode on touch shooting seeds like party favors on New Years' Eve. Jewelweed is a wonderful topical antihistamine. Take a piece of the stem, crush it in your fingers until the juice is released. Put the juice on bug bites or poison ivy. Relief! In the warmer regions you can find aloe. Aloe leaves can be ripped open and the inside pulpy juice wiped on sunburns or other skin rashes for succor. What healing tricks do you have from your native plants?

Two little wild strawberries packed with flavor. 

Wild black morel, to learn about wild edible mushrooms join your local and state mushroom hunting groups. Learn from the pros! Safety first!

Nothing is as wonderful as enjoying a fruit fresh from the plant, warmed by the sun and rinsed by the rain. How many children have a concept of where their food really comes from?

If you have no wild places near you, have you considered putting in a garden? Even a small garden with several plants allows you the chance to see life unfold in front of you and offers you the chance to enjoy something you personally have tended. It isn't quite like tasting something wild, but it has it's own merits. Food you have had a hand in raising or harvesting is twice as delicious as any found commercially. Peas, lettuce, onions, squash, cucumbers, tomatoes, potatoes are easy to raise and make a satisfying start to your farming experience.

Some want a garden without a hassle, without anything to harvest. In that case, rock garden or moss garden would be a delightful endeavor that wouldn't constrain time. A moss garden is as simple as gently transplanting moss from one place to another and watering it thoroughly daily for several weeks. A rock garden is simply finding rocks you like and putting them in an area together; different shapes and sizes, colors and features to make a beautiful display without need for watering or tending.

Life is too short to spend it racing in a constant jog, spinning endless wheels to stay in debt and frustration. Even if your only rebellion is the small freedom of a garden; go for it!

When I come through perhaps we will go for a walk in the wild, I will teach you the plants I know and look forward to learning about the plants you know.

Life is too short. Too many friends face death. Too many that I want to kidnap out into the sun, to fill their last days and moments with wild beauty. I wish that the experiences you have in life are like wild strawberries, concentrated and amazing. Lives full of color and flavor, rather than oversized, bland abundance. Challenge only makes us stronger and more resourceful. Mowing wild strawberries only spreads them in a carpet across your lawn; their bright runners a celebration of the persistence of life. I wish you to thrive like wild fruit, to exceed your own expectations.

Watch the sunset, tune into the world around you. Do you know the calls of the animals in your neighborhood? Do you know the birds? Do you know the trees, shrubs, flowers? Perhaps it is time for you to meet your real neighbors. Whatever else you do today, whatever is going on inside your head, choose to step out for a moment. Choose to be present, here, now, and to savor at least one moment.

Sunset in Blackhawk Colorado, Savoring the moment and letting go of the day. 

Time Slips By, Life, Death, Choices, Love

This is an amazing week. In a month of ups and downs. Old friends, new friends, and the panoramic beauty of Red Feather Lakes Colorado.

My friend Dan and I set a hummingbird free. I held it in my hand and felt it breath. It had tried so hard to get past the screen, unable to realize there was an open door until it was exhausted and could not evade our gentle help. How human to struggle when support is offered, when a clear and easy path practically sings and shouts "over here!"

We found black morel mushrooms, we enjoyed them with dinner. We learned from the pros how to tell real from dangerous.

Families and best friends making memories to last a lifetime time as the time slips by as if to wander the meadows with the Elk and birds. No schedule, just ideas and enjoyment. Horseback riding, geocaching, fishing, hiking, nature and archery lessons, ghost stories, glowing poi and campfires.

Small talk, deep talk it's our choice which way to go.

I think of choices others have made in my life. I think of friends I love. Mary Erickson, setting up a charity to help people get what they need. She sewed my first renaissance festival skirt. Every memory of her and her family is priceless to me. All excellent memories, time well spent. Mary died of breast cancer recently. My eyes tear up thinking of the day she told me about reading tarot cards for Bodge. Bodge was The Queen at many renaissance festivals. She was my Queen. Bodge had breast cancer. Mary turned over Bodge's future card. It was a card that normally means change, but often put a superstitious chill when it comes up. The death card stared at them. Mary blinked back tears as she told me how her heart fell. She saw in Bodge's eyes comprehension of the card. Her words were a soothing blanket she tried to wrap around Bodge. It was change. Cancer remission, healing. Bodge died shortly afterwards. It was hard for Mary even years later. Many eyes still tear feeling the loss of Bodge, her heart and spirit were so kind and loving, she touched so many lives in the time she had. Mary touched lives. Many will have teary eyes and loving memories to share for years to come. My eyes are blurring just hearing her voice as I write. She'd tell me to savor the memories, make more and share them. Even dying she was more full of life than most people ever choose to be.

This weekend I learned my grandmother died. There is more grief in a stone than in my heart. When my cousin and I were about five we stayed the night with grandma and grandpa. My cousin and I watched the helpful horde of bats circle the light outside, eating the bugs when my grandmother told us it was time for bed. We both turned around and said goodnight. We added I love you. She turned immediately with a stern look. "Oh no children, we don't love you. We have to do things for you, it is our duty as we are your grandparents." In that moment she taught me a lesson and gave me permission to invest my love in other places to loving people and pets. My one thought, too bad she chose that path. Her choice was appearance over content. Her choices wounded many. I suppose we all make choices that could hurt, with or without intention.

On the other hand, I woke up receiving word that a good friend is dying. Randy was the Chocolate Pirate when I met him. I learned he was Santa for years in the mall. He loved to act antisocial and grumpy, but was one of the kindest, giving people. He traveled and did faires for years. When he went off the road, most friends slowly stopped keeping up communication. I know because he wrote me. He loves his family. He loves his friends, even the ones who might have forgotten to write, text, or call. Sometimes it really hurt though, on the worst days we would joke back and forth to get each other smiling. Whether it's accurate or a flattering exaggeration by Randy, I am glad I always take the time to reach out, to include my friends- even the ones far away.

I wish I could give him more time. I wish I could give Mary more time. I wish I could give Bodge more time. Three incredible people who leave huge shoes to fill. Three people who chose to be there for others, to make real magic by touching hearts. Thousands of people touched and changed. Time Slips away, I wish I could take the time wasted standing in lines, waiting for appointments that do not show up, playing video games- I wish I could take that time and shift it to time with the three of them.

What I am saying, simply is: choose well how you spend the time you have. If you have friends, family that is dear- don't waste it on low quality interactions, going through mindless motions. Take the time you have and make it profound.

When I entertain as the Painted Lady I hear the sand shifting in life's timer. I have several minutes to profoundly, intimately touch hearts. I reach for as many as I can.

When I walk through my days I do it every day, sometimes more subtly. It does my heart good. Since I made that choice, every memory has value. I wring time for every drop of sublime experience I can get.

Today I saw wild moose with new friends, friends with glowing smiles and hearts I already cherish. I took a moment to stare at a meadow vibrant green and so alive, no sign of human touch to just stand. To think of choices, chances, love and loss. Even painful I would rather choose to love my friends, even knowing one day I could grieve their loss than never know what it is to choose to love.

When you wander the world you see beauty. Beauty in nature, beauty in people. If you are wise you choose to experience the sights and to make new friends- to extend your heart and grow.
Safe travels, May you choose to grasp time in your hands and use every moment you can to the fullest.