Monday, February 16, 2015

The Absurdity of Society's Take on Sex

The human body is a natural work of art. Millions of people, all different and incredible. Muscles, connective tissue, organs, hair, skin: this doesn't sound like an appealing list but it becomes one arranged millions of ways across the world. We are a fractal species, subtle variations in genetics offer diversity within our species from eye color to smiles.

Our species has creation myths, many sublime and focused on the wonders of creation while a few focus on the realization of nudity and the dominance of one gender over another.


We determine what is sexy. In ancient societies having curves and a little extra weight was attractive, it was a sign of health. Now we move toward androgenous men and women modeling for us on the verge of starvation, many struggling with bulemia or anorexia. It's even mentioned casually in pop songs, where the singer talks about throwing up in the bathtub.

We villanize pornography, then sneak around the corner to buy it. We say marriage as a tradition should be honored but it's a legal institution. I have found more frequently that unwanted sexual advanced come most often from married individuals.

We decided what is sexy, what "turns us on" so why do we choose sleazy and push to be used? Why not appreciate beauty, honor the temple of a lover's body rather than striving to become a secret bedroom whore or gigalo?

When I edited a literary magazine in college we accepted art as well as poetry and prose. A nude sketch and a sketch of a woman's breast were submitted. They were beautifully drawn. There was controversy. As editor I rolled over the controversy and supported the majority review. We published both. Scandal that wasn't, the readers enjoyed the art pieces.

When the human body ceases to be taboo we can appreciate it. When we stopped labeling sex as base and dirty, then insinuating that dirty and sleazy are "hot" and "sexy" perhaps we will recall the wonder of sexual union. Sex is healing, calming, it is a celebration of love for self and other human beings. It shouldn't be a stigma to be sexually active.

Be responsible, use protection to prevent the spread of disease. Reality is you can't always tell by sight if someone has a sexually transmitted infection. Absurdity is the stigma that we give that, when we don't villanize people who go out passing cold and flu viruses around like party favors.

The human body is a natural art form, explore and appreciate a lover rather than degrading and devaluing one or yourself. It is absurd that many people need to feel used to feel loved. It is a sign we need to choose more wisely the role models of our children. Instead of mermaids giving up their bodies to become what a hot guy wants, why not role models that value themselves as who and what they are?

We seem to think we have the right to belittle other people's sexuality from putting down gay marriage to prejudice against transsexuals. Stop it people. It's absurd, it's as absurd as me telling you you have to have a certain sexual orientation. You have no right to tell someone else what their orientation is. It is absurd for laws to try to enforce sexual preferences.

Prostitution was legal in the "wild west" as well as in modern Nevada. When prostitution is legal, the stigma fades away. Testing, hygiene and responsible behavior make for a professional, safer experience for both parties. High risk behaviors and situations decrease. Less men and women end up dead or missing.

Fear of disease, fear of disloyalty, fear of losing a lover or partner because someone younger, hotter, or more wanton comes along seem to drive our sexual culture. We wish to look like someone else, to please a lover. Why? I think it's far sexier to be yourself. It's far sexier to trust and to appreciate a trust upheld. It's far sexier to have honest communication. It's far sexier to have a partner who isn't just there for the sex, but for you out of love.

It's sad how many broken people I worked with in mental health, who were broken because of how sex was used on them as a weapon or made them feel used like a tool. It was heart breaking to hear the stories of shame, guilt over the body's arousal, confusion and toxic residual aftermath that plagues many as emotional scars lasting a lifetime.

Incest survivors, rape survivors, male and female circumcision scarring for religious reasons and human trafficking- yet people shrug and go on with judgemental memes and attacks on sexuality. Really? C'mon, break the cycles, break the secrets, break the stigma and start healing.

It really is absurd how much our species seems sometimes driven to perversity, apathetic and justifying of the destruction we wreak in the lives of people we allegedly care about.

Next time you feel like you need to debase yourself or someone else, stop. Instead of metaphorical graffiti why not raise them up, beautify their temple? Gift them with love, honor, and demonstrate the value of emotional flowers at their sacred temple, of your sacred temple. Treat the human body as a wonder rather than a curse. Treat each other with respect rather than with derogatory half truths and labels.