Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentine Retrospective

A year ago, I was poised at the map of my life with ideas and feelings creating a topographical art piece defying comprehension. I wasn't thrilled with a holiday focusing on couples and Love.
My life adventures had at that point brought me many lessons and a lot of ache. Lonely and introspective as to why I was alone. I like being alone but love is something I've always sought. Some people seem to have it easily, I've found seeking it makes it an elusive feeling to hunt. I've realized more than once that others love me, while I am like a blind creature- feeling the shape of their love, only to realize that it wasn't me but love itself, an ideal, or a need drove those around me to a disturbing point where I stepped out. Finding love within yourself is not always easy.
It is the first step to being whole.
A year ago, I went to formal dress lunch with my best friend, Kristi, who I dearly love. We got dressed up in wedding dresses along with my friend Amie and we participated in a show for Tartanic. Nervous as we were, we did a Bachelor Game segment. The bachelor was another friend, we joked backstage.
The show was varied and full of fun. Excellent music, comedy and engagement of the audience. Tartanic put on an amazing show. A good friend, Danny Lord, happened to be in the area. He entertained as a part of the show. It was great to see him. He'd had health issues that had really shaken me after I got to know him doing a Renlightenment interview, after dinner at Josiah's, and the many times we'd traded shenanigan stories in the last eight years.
One of the volunteers asked me at intermission "Well, do you think the bachelor will pick you?"
I said "Probably not, I'll probably end up with that guy they found in the parking lot." That guy was Danny. I was joking.
During the show, Adrian kept mentioning a limousine for the brides. I thought it was a joke, all of us did except Tartanic. Adrian and the group have such beautiful hearts, they knew. They HAD a limousine.
The show ended. Two boys brought flowers for the three of us. We thanked them graciously. One of the guys we joked with all night came up and told us the limousine was waiting. I spent five minutes politely explaining there was no limousine. His wife hid her smile and stopped laughing long enough to promise us the limousine was really and waiting for us outside.
In that moment, ice hit. There was a limousine. If there was anyone in the world I would never want to miss the chance of riding in a limousine with, who would it be? My mind raced through a thousand thoughts and feelings. The crowd shifted. I saw Danny.
I remembered how he's always been kind, thoughtful, respectful, and caring when I'd talked with him. He'd almost died a few years ago. Would I want to go through life without riding in a limousine with him? I called out across the room to tell him there was a limousine. He called back that he hated limousines. I called back me too. In a wedding dress with a long train I regally parted the crowd with a look. I took him by the elbow and walked him to the door. He clowned at struggling to get away, I gave him a look and said "are you really fighting to avoid getting in a limousine with a beautiful woman, with several beautiful women?"
He looked chargrined and got into the limousine. We had an adventurous ride.

I had the most beautiful voicemail message that is long gone, unfortunately. The next day we thought perhaps we'd just been lonely, silly fools. Then we realized we both love hibiscus tea. We both wanted to explore Arizona and the world. Our hobbies and interests overlap. In some ways our minds and hearts gave similar maps, in other ways vastly different.
He spends his time telling stories from his life, teaching me how to remove the barriers to love that have been a burden of a lifetime. I spend my time learning, growing, healing and loving.
We met a couple today at the Stone house from Korea. Sunny moved here and worked every day except two days for forty years. She finally retired and is hiking and exploring the world, she's taking classes and learning English. Her husband, Dei (Sunny and Day) met her on a visit to Korea. They fell in love and she moved here. Can you imagine moving to another country, being immersed in another culture and language? Sunny's smile lit the abandoned stone house. We were honored to enjoy the afternoon with such a great couple!

Two photos of Grants Pass at Sunset, Tuscon AZ

From a limousine to Grant's Pass sunset tonight, what a wonderful year and a priceless adventure.