Friday, June 12, 2015

For Every Uphill There's A Vista

Traveling offers the chance to explore the world. Many dream of it, while others can't imagine leaving home.  

Traveling offers chances and challenges. As a storyteller, sometimes I walk into opportunities while other times I walk into walls. "Sorry, we book six months in advance." "Who are you?" "We only hire local talent" or "Why won't you do it free, if you were nice you'd just entertain for nothing." Somehow people assume travelling means you are made of money when it usually means you've got a twenty in your pocket next to a favorite pebble, spare change, and a spoon. You never know when you'll need a spoon.

Sometimes you have a route and timeline planned, with contracts spread along the route to cover costs. When a contractor pulls the metaphorical rug out, it tumbles the best laid plans and can leave you rudderless.

Yesterday was one of those days. A lot of beautiful views help keep me positive. Support from a few amazing friends helps me bounce back. I was at a deep low. 2800 friends on Facebook, with hundreds complimenting my stories yet only 15 of my ebooks sold... Hmm... Perhaps we should use Google terms so it doesn't sting as much. 2800 acquaintances and about twenty shares, 15 sales. Still not warm and fuzzy, but a little less personal.

Trying to stay positive and not see my fall back functioning effectively at all, feeling unsupported and looking at myself to figure out what I'm doing wrong or if perhaps I am that pathetic that the best kindness folks can offer is to politely ignore my shares and encouragement to read a few free sample stories. Days like yesterday are not easy. I look at myself for the flaw. If I were amazing, talented or even just capable perhaps there would be support.

Some say stay positive, smile, gloss over the rough. It's hard to when it keeps coming in waves. I take personal inventories often. I fault myself often. I try and I focus forward on trying to do and be my best. I try not to be small, jealous, or spiteful.

Last night we were given free VIP tickets to see Bare Naked Ladies At Red Rocks because Danny is friends with the group. We were in row 12. Violent Femmes went on as we arrived, we missed Colin Hay's talented performance. I have friends who really love both groups. I never really listened until last night. I needed that concert. I needed those songs. They played for thousands, the lyrics soothed my soul and distracted the monsters in my head that are constantly criticizing my choices, words, thoughts.

Afterwards we met the guys. Danny visited with his old friends. I complimented the show but I doubt my words carried the profound gratitude I have for them. The Bare Naked Ladies have become one of my favorite bands through the wonderful music, the light hearted spirit and the sincere kindness they exude on and off stage.

My life is a rollercoaster. Down at the worst depths then lifted up quickly and unexpectedly. Traveling has a cost, yet it has payoffs as well. I'm obscure everywhere rather than in just one small town. I am given the chances to give magic moments across the country. I take the time to give what I can, when I can.

For every challenge, there will be a lesson or a memory worth keeping. For every uphill there is a Vista.